capitol J

A Family Kitchen Song

2012-02-16T08:06:00.002-05:00

V-Day Plus One

2012-02-15T08:30:00.000-05:00

Y'all get laid last night? My Twitter feed seemed awfully quiet shortly after dinner... I was amused by the high amounts of traffic on my way to pick up James from day care. And frantic, too. It felt like some sordid reality game show where the men had to get home by a certain time to get their annual blowjobs. (Actually, I'd watch that shit!)

So here I am at work and everyone seems a bit subdued. I'm curious how this mass afterglow will affect my day. I'm guessing people will be less rude to one another. Or maybe drive a little slower and calmer. I like the smiles. There seems to be plenty of those. And there were a lot of women who chose to stand on the train this morning even though they were offered seats. I wonder what that's all about... ;-)

Love Science

2012-02-14T08:39:00.000-05:00

Today is Valentine's Day, dummy. Sorry for the name calling, but if you think you can get through this day without buying something for your lover I got news for you - you're wrong.

"But, Jason, she told me she doesn't want anything."

Yeah, I know, all the "cool," "with it" chicks have that same front: Valentine's Day is below me, Valentine's Day is a greeting card holiday, Valentine's Day is for morons. Guess what, she still wants flowers.

"But, Jason, she told me flowers are silly because they die."

I don't care what she said. She still wants them. And she wants to get them at work. (Note: Women secretly hate each other and will grab any opportunity to belittle their fellow female competitors. Your contribution is greatly appreciated.)

I know y'all think you're smarter than the average citizen and that you're too cool for school, but some things never change. In my time on this planet as a cock wielding student of the ladies, certain truths remain constant:

Women want a big wedding, preferably with a Def Leppard cover band as the wedding band.
Women want to have seven babies.
Women yearn for frequent requests from their husbands for alternative sex acts.
Women want god dammed flowers on Valentine's Day.

I've got more Constant Truth of the Ladies, but I'll save them for a different post. Look, it's not difficult. Open your eyes and grab your wallet. Flowers. Even the cheap ass flowers wrapped in crinkly plastic from the grocery store will work.

Funny Dads

2012-02-13T09:00:00.002-05:00

I asked Lynette if she thought James would grow up to say the funniest person he ever met was his dad. (I don't do this many dancing jigs and kooky sound effects for just any one!) It's an unusual day when I can't get a laugh out of my son. Sadly, it makes me think of my late father, Jerry Carlock. My feelings for Jerry are complex, complicated, and confusing. It's an old, tired story shared by gobs of people on this planet: My parents divorced before I was born and my father was hardly a part of my life. However, on the rare occasions I spent time with him I can say with 100% confidence that Jerry was the funniest man I ever knew. Jerry was loved and admired by everyone. For obvious reasons, this saddens me and scares me, because I want to be just like him and nothing like him. Excuse the harsh language, but divorce is a motherfucker.

That's all I want to say about that.

Anyway, I don't want to get too over-dramatic about my daddy issues. In 2003, my father got cancer and I made a special journey to his home in the backwoods of southeastern Pennsylvania to see him one last time. We sat on a porch listening to bugs and critters in the night when I forgave my father (as we all should) and a few weeks later he died. But even when Jerry was but a shell of man he was still making me laugh.

I've posted this before because it's very powerful for me:

Monkeys Vs. JFK

2012-02-09T08:00:00.000-05:00

I made two purchases yesterday. An album and a book. I bought Sharon Van Etten's new album Tramp, and Stephen King's new book 11/22/63.

Tramp suddenly became one of those albums that got heavy rotation on my iPod. It speaks to me. Maybe it'll speak to you. Only one way to find out... (This is when you click over to iTunes and buy the entire album for a measly $7.99, no foolin', mister.)

And King's book, well, cliched or not, the man can and has and continues to write like a fucking champion. Not every at-bat leads to a home run, but this one seems different. So far the first few chapters hooked me and I'm in it to win it. Other people who have reviewed this book are calling it one of his best. The premise, as described on an Amazon blurb, is this dude goes back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination. Stop! Take my money!

One more thing, since we're talking about entertainment media and whatnot, I watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes last week and was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. It's a simple film with a simple premise, but it had just the right amount of humanity and action to make me nod in approval. Oh, and speaking of James Franco, holy shit have you seen 127 Hours yet? Amazing. Franco was astounding. I highly recommend adding that one to your James Franco movie marathon.

***

2012-02-08T08:06:00.000-05:00

Life is like squirting expensive medicine into a baby's mouth and hoping he swallows most of it.

Music Appreciation: Sharon Van Etten

2012-02-08T07:57:00.000-05:00

Germ Warfare

2012-02-07T09:35:00.000-05:00

These last few days have been hardening on my soul. James has been sick and his pain is my pain. His cries chip away at my heart. He went an entire day without smiling and it crushed me. So, I've been constructing a bubble for my son to live in so that he doesn't get sick again. For going out into the community, we'll use a giant hamster ball, and all shopping carts will be handled with robotic pincers.

Recent Discoveries

2012-02-06T09:37:00.000-05:00

Two things,

When I was in college, I don't remember ever caring as much about politics as I regrettably do now. Perhaps we had more important/interesting things to talk about in my circle of friends. Boobs and beer prolly.

And I don't have much of a memory of getting as angry while driving as I do now. Seriously, I have a problem. Thankfully I don't drive much, but when I do I wish so much ill will toward my fellow man.

There's only one contributing factor I can attach to these two recent discoveries about myself: Living on the East coast. We're all assholes over here. We're self-righteous and impatient. Also, I've been calling it soda, not pop. Shoot me.

On the other hand, these mild winters are wonderful. If not having a decent pizza means not having my face freeze off when I walk to work so be it. Sacrifices.

Turnabout

2012-02-06T09:21:00.001-05:00

This morning I was the guy on public transportation who couldn't stop coughing. I'm not sick (anymore), but you wouldn't have been able to convince the guy sitting near me of that. But then I had a wonderful feeling: I finally got to be the guy on the train who won't stop coughing! So many times have I been stuck in a train with sick people. My turn, assholes! Boom! Liberation.

The path widens...

2012-02-03T20:59:00.000-05:00

Star Wars Kinect + Chris Pratt = Awesomesauce

2012-01-31T10:26:00.000-05:00

Parasites

2012-01-27T11:28:00.000-05:00

via Iheartchaos

A Saturday

2012-01-22T08:58:00.000-05:00

TV and the Open Marriage

2012-01-20T08:16:00.002-05:00

The news. We are such morons. Yes, yes, media today is about as valuable as a half drank can of Coke, but it's not like "the news" all of a sudden got "bad." As they say, those in power write history. Perhaps what we're seeing on our televisions and newspapers and computer screens is the power struggle of large corporations fighting to sell the most ad space to the Macy's underwear department or stores where you can turn your gold into cash. As a liberal Democrat, I cannot fathom how any intelligent American can watch a channel like Fox News and not feel like most of the story was left out. Can't these Fox watching people see that they are being catered to? If there was an all-spider channel, guess who'd be their core audience? Arachnophobes!

I know similar arguments can be made against the "liberal media," whatever that is, but I'm a liberal, so I'll need to have someone point them out to me. I think somewhere along the line the people in the news room started having orgies with sitcom writers, because nowadays all I see are "reality" shows. Both in prime time and on "news channels." Or maybe the definition of news is going through a metamorphosis right before our eyes. For example, a couple weeks ago Beyonce had a baby. The buzz about it here at work was so electric and excited you'd think Jesus Christ had materialized and was currently showing people the most amazing card tricks in the break room. And of course I was missing out. Which is how I feel most of the time when it comes to television shows. I can't explain why that guy from The Big Bang Theory keeps winning Emmy's over Bryan Cranston. Or why we care so dearly about the Kardashians. (Wait, one of them is kinda pretty? Oh, well then never mind.)

So I have decided to Make My Own News. (Not really.) This rant is over you can move along now. Hang on... How about that Newt Gingrich asking his wife to share him with the woman he had been having a six year affair with? Balls as big as Fiats.

SOPA Breaks the Internet

2012-01-18T15:17:00.001-05:00

PROTECT IP / SOPA Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.

Laugh Track

2012-01-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

Me: (Pointing at the TV) "Look at how realistic the graphics in this video game are."
The Mother of my Son: (Pushing a laundry full of baby clothes toward me) "You want realistic? How about folding these?"
Me: "That's a little too realistic."

End scene.

New Year's

2012-01-17T07:47:00.000-05:00

By Dana Gioia

Let other mornings honor the miraculous.
Eternity has festivals enough.
This is the feast of our mortality,
The most mundane and human holiday.

On other days we misinterpret time,
Pretending that we live the present moment.
But can this blur, this smudgy in-between,
This tiny fissure where the future drips

Into the past, this flyspeck we call now
Be our true habitat? The present is
The leaky palm of water that we skim
From the swift, silent river slipping by.

The new year always brings us what we want
Simply by bringing us along—to see
A calendar with every day uncrossed,
A field of snow without a single footprint.

The Holy Grail of Loafed Formed Meat

2012-01-09T08:05:00.001-05:00

Good news - I think I found the best meatloaf recipe yesterday. Years and years of searching may have turned up a recipe that fails to disappoint on any level. I'll make it again in the near future to confirm my conclusion and maybe share the recipe with you.

Math Night

2012-01-06T09:34:00.002-05:00

Have I ever told you about the super happy fun photography club I'm in? It's called the Math Night Photography Club and we eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. ("You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?")

If you have a camera and a habit of taking photos of stuff, you're welcome to join. Photo assignments are handed down from "Becky" every week via email and then submissions are posted in a private web site on Reddit.

If you want in, first, go to reddit and sign up with your own user name. Then email mathnighttwo@gmail.com with your reddit name so you can be given access to our submissions page. (If you had permission already you'd find it HERE.)

We're a friendly, somewhat anonymous, group of attractive people and if you're cool enough to be reading this blog then you'd probably fit in. And let's be honest, you have absolutely no reason not to play with us.

Hot Lava!

2012-01-06T08:58:00.000-05:00

There's some strange sorcery occurring underneath our bathroom floor. Strangely, the tiles are warm. Very warm. Like heated. Sure, it's nice on our bare feet in the middle of winter, but ignoring the reason is bothering me. With lack of any evidence, I'll go ahead and assume there's hot lava under the floor. To be safe I'll start moving about the house on furniture and countertops.

The Mystery of The Doo Doo Bandit

2012-01-05T08:03:00.003-05:00

Remember that lady I was talking about who erected a full-sized Christmas tree at work in her cubicle? At first, I was upset because it dethroned me as the quirkiest coworker in the office. But I'm witnessing a problem, or disadvantage, of being the person who set up a Christmas tree in her cubicle: No one knows her name... and so we've all began to refer to her as Christmas Tree. "Hey, where are those TPS Reports that were supposed to get faxed last week?" "Christmas Tree was supposed to do it."

Meanwhile, it's official: I work in an office where someone has defecated on the floor. The 3rd floor was all aflutter yesterday as we collectively heard the news from several witnesses that POO was found on the floor in the kitchen. Human poo, according to one of the nurses I work with. Because we love assigning nicknames to people, we've decided to call this person The Doo Doo Bandit. And I made sure everyone knew they were all suspects.

Seriously though, someone shit in our kitchen. Maybe Christmas Tree did it.

Pew Pew Pew

2012-01-04T12:10:00.001-05:00

Here's the thing - I can't really say there was any movie or television show in 2011 (with the exception of Breaking Bad on AMC) that entertained me more than the video game Skyrim is entertaining me right now.

(NOTE: If you haven't watched Breaking Bad you really are missing out on the most stellar writing and acting the movie/television industry has produced in a very long time. I'm your friend and I'm begging you to watch Breaking Bad from the beginning. Bryan Cranston will make you throw away all your notions of what you think good acting is. And the story is perfection.)

Back to Skyrim: As a gamer, you owe it to yourself to jump into this enormous world. The alienation of friends and family is a risk you're willing to take.

Catsup

2012-01-03T09:07:00.002-05:00

I didn't make any Best Of lists for 2011. To be honest I've been preoccupied with keeping a baby alive to see many movies or listen to much new music this year. So...

The Best Things to Hold in Your Hand

Pens
Breasts
Forks
Salamanders
Daggers

James Versus New Ball

2011-12-31T09:36:00.004-05:00

James got a new ball. He played with it. I made a video. Enjoy.

Love Your Thursday

2011-12-29T08:19:00.001-05:00

Variations...

I put too little cream in my coffee. And I ran out of clean underwear this morning because I haven't done my laundry since before Christmas. Also, I really could've used gloves today. Other than that, there's more important things to fret over. Like Pastene tomatoes. I found a recipe that calls for a can of Pastene tomatoes, which is a name of a brand, and the recipe explicitly says no other brand of tomatoes will do, but my local grocery store does not sell them. I'll eventually use a different brand, but I will always wonder...

I also need to find some bucatini pasta.

Music Appreciation: Kate Bush

2011-12-28T08:27:00.001-05:00

I love her

2011-12-28T08:18:00.000-05:00

Lynette and her new camera on Christmas morning.

Life After (Christmas) People

2011-12-27T08:04:00.000-05:00

Of course I'd much rather be at home playing with all my new toys, but I'm also giddy during these precious moments when the world stays home and allows me to be the only rider on the bus and one of five commuters on the train. The walk from the McPherson Square Metro station to work, which is usually three blocks of get-the-heck-out-of-my-way, was today more like hello-where-the-heck-is-everybody? If not for the pervasive stench of the Occupy DC tent city I would've felt like Will Smith in I Am Legend. Though, with the temperatures as low as they were this morning I can't imagine a drum circle not moving at the speed of zombie.

Merry Merry Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

I hope y'all have a wonderful Christmas and a splendid New Year. Lynette and I will be celebrating two 2011 miracles this holiday season: The Amazing James and Grammy Eileen's spectacular recovery from her diagnosis of cancer just over one year ago.

No offense, Illinois, but this Carlock family is grateful to be in our Virginia living room this Christmas knowing that everyone back home is safe and healthy and still smart enough to operate Skype on their computers. Chicago hospitals are the place of miracles, but not spending Christmas in one will be one of the things we thank God for this year moments before digging into our Christmas goose.

I truly hope all of you who read my blog are blessed with the luck of tripping over all the happiness that is always in your path.

Good Luck. Godspeed. Go Bears.

The Hobbit trailer is out!

2011-12-21T09:30:00.002-05:00

Drop whatever piddly thing you're doing right now and watch the new trailer for The Hobbit in all its glory! Oh my!

James Meets Santa

2011-12-20T08:52:00.000-05:00

Indie Game, The Movie

2011-12-15T13:24:00.001-05:00

This documentary about independent video game developers looks really good:

Fingertips

2011-12-15T09:23:00.001-05:00

I said hi to a lady on the elevator and she said nothing. What kind of person does that make me? I don't know her, I don't give a rat's ass about her, I'll probably never see her again. And yet there I go, "Hello." *Crickets*

And that, boys and girls, is how nice guys finish last.

Actually, that's not the attitude I'm going to have about this. I said hello because I'm a fellow citizen in this thing we call a society. I'm polite and generally friendly. But honestly, blatantly not reciprocating an elevator hello is the same as replying, "Piss off." And that's cool. Because if this lady whose face I've already forgotten is ever dangling from the edge of a cliff and desperately needs someone to pull her up I would reach down and pull her up to safety.

And that, boys and girls, is what Christmas is all about. Pulling everyone up who's dangling from the edge of a cliff- even bad guys. Merry Christmas, jerks.

It took me three and a half years

2011-12-14T14:41:00.000-05:00

to convince my sister in law that there are no whales in Lake Michigan.

Music Appreciation: Cults

2011-12-14T11:42:00.001-05:00

Lets get Merried.

2011-12-14T08:01:00.001-05:00

I'm a liberal guy. I think abortion lies solely on a decision made by a woman. I think homosexual people (or as Republicans like to call 'em, The Gays) absolutely should have the Constitutional right to marry each other. I think money spent on wars (and all its related war-mongering enterprises) would be better spent domestically, (AKA Given to families who are barely making ends meet, or used to make EVERY school look like the one you see in wealthy neighborhoods. While we're at it, let's build a few less bombs and use that money to give teachers a raise. In fifty years when we're pledging allegiance to our Chinese overlords you're going to hear me say, "I told you so!" The true defenses that our country should be building up is making our children the smartest in the world. Instead, we squabble over whether or not it's feasible to fix the gaping hole in the social studies room, or if gym fits into the fiscal year budget.)

Now that I have painted myself pink, I'd like to say Merry Christmas. Not Happy Holidays. Not Seasons Greetings. But rather Merry Christmas! People (and businesses) that refuse to use the phrase Merry Christmas are cowards. Cowards! We all know what you mean when you say, Happy Holidays. It's like replacing fuck with fudge. They mean the same thing. In fact, the choice to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas communicates to the world, "I wish you a Merry Christmas, but I'm afraid of offending people I do not know, or offending people who don't believe in God or Christ, but are probably celebrating the holiday anyway."

Look, it is what it is. It's Merry Christmas. It's true that the holiday has nearly lost all religious meaning for many people in this country. That's okay because Christmas is still meaningful for everyone. It's a time to come together as friends and families. A time to give each other gifts. A time to step out of our daily routines and appreciate what is grand in the world.

Yes, historically (a few thousand years at least) Christmas has been considered the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. We've all heard about how the original celebrations occurring around the same time were pagan in nature and stolen by the Romans, etc. etc. etc. If you're a Christian you need no get defensive on this subject. No one is taking your holiday away. Likewise, non-Christians need not try to diminish the holiday's namesake.

So I'd like to wish all my Christian and agnostic friends a very Merry Christmas. (And if y'all can't get along Santa Claus is going to pee in your stocking.)

The Making of Skyrim

2011-12-13T13:33:00.002-05:00

For my gamers - Here is a magnificent 40 minute video about the making of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. My favorite part was the "barbarian choir" which was literally a large group of large, hairy men singing the theme to this game. Seeing the amount of work that went into this game's enormity is awe inspiring.

Music Appreciation: The Cure

2011-12-13T12:10:00.003-05:00

Timeless.

From Bestival Live 2011

Office Baum

2011-12-13T10:19:00.000-05:00

If you don't like Christmas then you can go to Hell. You go to Hell and you die! If you don't like Christmas then we can't be friends. Stop knocking on my door.

I walked into my dark office this morning using my body to turn on all the lights via the motion detectors and I discovered that one of my coworkers erected a full-sized Christmas tree in her cubicle. I stopped to give my mouth enough time to gape open with adoration. Seems I've been dethroned as quirkiest person in the office. Touche, coworker. Looks like I'll be wearing my Santa Claus suit to work tomorrow...

Because tomorrow is our Secret Santa event where we awkwardly exchange gifts with the people we kind of know but don't really know (limit $25 please). Fortunately, I pulled Greg's name. He's an older gentleman who loves the Washington Redskins. (That Secret Santa gift almost buys itself!)

I overheard someone complaining about the person they pulled for Secret Santa. I hope the person who pulled my name thought to themselves, "Yes! I got Jason!" Reality: My coworkers hardly know me and have no idea what to get me. I'm predicting a hat. Or a gift card.

An Open Letter to the Spike VGAs

2011-12-12T11:44:00.001-05:00

By Jason Schreier

Dear Spike VGA Producers,
I get it. You’ve got obligations. You have to appeal to a broad audience. Your references can’t be too niche or obscure. You have to keep people watching. You have to appease advertisers and wrangle exclusive deals out of game publishers. I don’t envy your jobs.
But after watching the 2011 Spike TV Video Game Awards this Saturday night, I can’t help but wish you’d try a little bit harder not to embarrass the people you’re trying to entertain.

It’s not hard to find the root of the problem here: You think we’re dumb. You think your audience is so stupid that they’ll be amused by YouTube rants and health potion gags. You think we get our jollies out of watching girls bite cupcakes off conveyor belts. You think videogame references make a good substitute for humor.
Worst of all, you couldn’t care less about what you’re showing us. You don’t care about the games or the people who made them. As Joystiq’s Justin McElroy pointed out on Twitter, “If they don’t give a shit about the awards, why on EARTH should we?”
When you dedicate minute-long segments to the likes of will.I.am and Kevin Jonas while breezing through 10+ award winners in a 20-second montage, it’s hard to believe you care about your videogame awards show. When you parade around more actors than game developers, it’s really hard to believe you care about your videogame awards show.
I can deal with the unfunny jokes. You want to make tired Alec Baldwin references or force host Zachary Levi to say things like “Your urine is magical,” OK. I don’t need to laugh.
But half of your show was dedicated to slapstick. When you weren’t showing game footage, you were shoving nonsensical gimmicks down our throats. You were putting the spotlight on D-list celebrities and YouTube stars. You were making fun of “social gamers” for being anti-social. You were keeping a cow backstage so you could reference FarmVille.
You had a grown man in a military outfit pretend to put his balls in a Call of Duty developer’s mouth because he took too long on stage.
So maybe you don’t care about quality. Maybe you want to stop by, show your exclusive trailers, earn some ad bucks, and then crawl out, leaving slime on the walls and bile in our throats. Maybe you just want to show five or six awards and spend the rest of the time filling space with as many cheap gags as possible.
Except you’ve proved that you can do things right. Your gorgeous, fluid Zelda montage was deftly presented and properly treated. Not only did you give us a lovely cameo by the venerable Shigeru Miyamoto, whose appearance can wrest a smile out of even the most jaded gamers, you showed him the respect that he deserves. You guys totally nailed it.
Then you had Charlie Sheen come out and ask where the chicks were.
Is this really how you see us? If you think gamers are tuning in to watch Charlie Sheen make lewd comments, you’re both completely naive about your audience and totally out-of-touch when it comes to celebrity relevance. The fact that Charlie Sheen was available to present at the Spike TV Video Game Awards should have probably tipped you off.
I am a male between the age of 18 and 30. I know many other males between the age of 18 and 30. We all fall into your key demographic. Trust me when I tell you that not a single one of us thinks it is funny or entertaining to watch Felicia Day slice fruit hurled by the cast of Workaholics. Not a single one.
Why can’t we see developers talk about the games they love? Why can’t we watch industry auteurs celebrate their craft? Why can’t we hear from people who are more interested in honoring videogames than resuscitating dead TV careers?
Here you were, Spike VGA producers, on national television, with the opportunity to show the world that the videogame industry is not solely composed of profane 16-year-olds and humorless manchildren. Here was your chance to demonstrate that videogames are culturally significant, artistically important, worthy of an awards show that lauds what gaming can do and what it can become.
Instead you just shoved your balls in our mouths.

Future Gamer

2011-12-12T09:17:00.000-05:00

Louis CK on Evolution

2011-12-09T08:48:00.001-05:00

James' Arsenal

2011-12-08T17:11:00.001-05:00

Quacky duck noises
Juicy fart noises
High volume vocalizations of "da da da da da"
Whimpery pick me up noises
The Rare Cry

The Truth, and yet...

2011-12-04T12:36:00.001-05:00

None of us will listen to it.

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

2011-12-02T14:36:00.001-05:00

More Adventure Time Brilliance

2011-12-01T10:34:00.001-05:00

Gordon

2011-11-30T08:37:00.001-05:00

I'm reading Dickens for the first time. A Christmas Carol. Appropriate, I thought, given the approaching holiday and all the twinkling lights in my home. Have you ever read Dickens? I am amazed. This book was written in 1843 and yet the language STILL influences writers today, whether they know it or not, or whether they want to admit it or not. I was apprehensive to read it given its age (I have a fear of too many Ye Olde Shoppes). But CD nailed it, didn't he? I hope he was well loved in the literary world back then and not post mortem like Van Gogh. I can't help but dream of the quality sitcoms he would've created if he had lived today.

Just kidding. I had a professor in college who thought Sting was the second coming of William Shakespeare. (Ask me how many metaphors are in the song King of Pain.) But this Dickens fella, wow. Why didn't anybody tell me? Jerks.

RIP Patrice Oneal

2011-11-29T14:31:00.001-05:00

One of the funniest people on our planet and the ONLY reason to tune into the Opie and Anthony Show.

James Christmas

2011-11-28T08:28:00.001-05:00

If Christmas Spirit was the icing on a slab of chocolate cake we'd be spending December getting frosting out of all my nooks and crannies. I'm usually pretty excited for the Holidays, but this year I'm seeing everything a little bit differently. The Christmas tree, which went up earlier than ever in our house, twinkles and sparkles more than ever. The colored lights we draped around our windows warms the living room in its magical glow. We already watched Elf and Christmas Vacation, two cinematic staples in our house. We'll save A Christmas Story for Christmas Day when TBS loops the movie for 24 hours.

We had such a successful Thanksgiving hosting all the grandparents and one Auntie K that I wouldn't be surprised if all those free loaders came knocking again on Christmas morning. And my brined turkey tasted better than your sorry, dried out turkey-like bird.

Experiencing all the joys of Christmas through James' eyes is beautiful. He's only six months old, but I've already caught him staring at the Christmas tree like it's the spaceship at the end of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, waiting for the aliens to come out of it and make contact. And even though presents will be mostly meaningless, you better believe we'll be coaxing him into ripping apart wrapping paper, which I bet will translate well on Skype as we teleconference with the grandparents Christmas morning.

You have no idea how thankful I am

2011-11-23T07:31:00.001-05:00

As technology evolves and we sink deeper and deeper into the shallow world of virtual connections via our computers and smartphones and tablets, I'd like to give thanks for moments unelectric. I'd like to give thanks for surfaces not backlit. The fiction of our online relationships can be extremely comfortable, but let us not take for granted the act of sharing physical space with a complete stranger on a train, or the nod from the guy who knows I like egg sandwiches. Let us not lose that meaningful spring to order that occurs when we line up to exit a bus or funnel onto an escalator. Maybe I'm thankful for the absence of anarchy. Or maybe we don't give ourselves enough credit - That deep down we're all just nice people trying to get home to our baby sons.

This year the Carlock/White/Femali Thanksgiving takes place in Alexandria, Virginia, where the space is limited. Fortunately, we can fashion chairs out of love which will be palpable due to the introduction of James. After pie is served, I may suggest a fight between the grandmas who will be vying for James Holding Time. Krazy Karen versus Eileen "The Stomper" White in a no-holds-barred cage match! (Just as soon as I move the kitchen table out of the living room to make space...)

It's easy to take for granted the people we're closest to. This year our house will be full and ALIVE with people I don't get to see very often. Thank God for the following things:

Airplanes
Highways
Chicago Bears

Amen.

James Versus Carrots

2011-11-20T21:15:00.000-05:00

Where's Jake?

2011-11-17T08:28:00.001-05:00

If you don't watch Adventure Time you're an idiot. That's right, I said it.

The Hunger Games Official Trailer

2011-11-14T12:28:00.001-05:00

Based on the spectacular books:

Saturday Night Dad and the Death of an Xbox

2011-11-12T21:12:00.001-05:00

Skyrim is a video game five years in the making. You've never heard of it because it's a secret door behind a secret cabinet down a secret hallway in my mother's basement. Which is where I'd be playing this game right now if I hadn't had the foresight to convince Lynette to marry me twelve years ago. In 1999, I knew I would have to cultivate a romantic, fulfilling, engaging, loving relationship with a beautiful, caring, affectionate woman so that when the day came for me to enter the world of Skyrim I would not fear the fallout and retribution for spending all my free time slaying dragons and searching dungeons. Unconditional love kicks ass!

Jokes, of course. But seriously, Skyrim is probably one of the best video game experiences I have had in my moderate history of playing video games, which goes as far back as the Atari 2600. This one goes in my top five.

So that's the set up for how awesome this game is. On with the blog.

Friday, James stayed home because his day care was closed. We took a trip to the local GameStop to purchase Skyrim. Gave a fatherly nod to the other dude in line carrying a car seat which probably contained an infant child. (Gamer Dads have a secret nod. I can't explain it to you because it's secret.) Because my day mostly consisted of quelling James' various baby moods and exchanging fart noises on the floor, I did not have any time to play Skyrim. (By the way, every time you read the word Skyrim you should hear a dragon roar and dramatic music. Please scroll down to my previous post of the official trailer for a sample.)

The next day, catastrophe. I sneaked in a few moments of Skyrim early Saturday morning when suddenly my Xbox 360 froze. FROZE! As with the occurrence of most tragedies in my life I spent most of the day in denial. I kept restarting the system only to have it freeze over and over again. (Blowing into the Xbox did nothing!) Soon the realization came: My trusty, white Xbox (that I purchased at the launch of the console back in 2005) was a "brick." Dead. Gone. Game over.

Lynette had plans to attend a baby shower Saturday night which meant I had no time to go out and buy a replacement Xbox. Plus, who's got an extra $300 laying around for these types of emergencies? Not me. The world was darkening and closing in on me. Sweat beads emerged on my brow. My hands began trembling.

I ran to the comfort of the internet for help and discovered several similar stories. "Skyrim broke my Xbox!" Apparently, my version of the Xbox 360 was too old to handle the power of Skyrim. Like playing Lazer Tag with grandpa.

Later, after Lynette left for her party and I fed and bathed and got James to bed like a Dad Boss, I realized there was another Xbox in the house... Lynette's Xbox, which was hooked up to the TV in the bedroom. It was Saturday night, Lynette was out, and James asleep... Skyrim began taunting me. "JC, use Lynette's Xbox... She won't mind..." Of course I had to risk breaking her Xbox if I inserted Skyrim into it. It was a risk I was willing to take.

Lynette's Xbox ran Skyrim like a dream. I imagine this is how an NFL team feels after winning the Super Bowl. It was certainly a victory for me. I felt like THIS.

On the Cusp of Mobility

2011-11-12T12:33:00.001-05:00

New Chucks

2011-11-11T08:45:00.000-05:00

Are the worst! Too white and that rubbery flicking noise with every step! (First World Problems)

Mr. Orange

2011-11-10T08:23:00.001-05:00

I knew it would happen eventually... James had a minor medical emergency Tuesday night. But it might as well have been the loss of a limb or a gunshot wound because suddenly the world and my perception of it changed drastically as I sped my son to the doctor late into the evening.

This was the first time James has been sick in his five months of existence. And I know it certainly won't be his last, but I guess the first time is always the hardest. James' breathing had become labored and there was loud wheezing. At times it seemed as if he was gasping for air. The diagnosis was croup. After an injection of steroids and a Nebulizer treatment James came around and shook off his strained breathing. By the way, being the Carlock Champion that he is, Master James never once stopped smiling and flirting with his young female doctor and nurses during this ordeal.

After things settled down and James and I spent the day together to regroup our mental facilities, I realized how during the frantic, troubled breathing moments Tuesday night nothing else in the world mattered aside from making sure my boy was going to get healed. Nothing. All of life's trivialities and inanity fell away and my true purpose in this world revealed itself. "Keep the boy alive." I have one task to complete in this lifetime. One. Keep my boy alive. I say it as generally as possible because that goal encompasses many aspects of James' world, which includes safety, happiness, and a well rounded experience on this planet.

Skyrim! 11-11-11

2011-11-08T13:06:00.002-05:00

!!!

Almost Paradise

2011-11-08T11:52:00.000-05:00

I didn't turn around (Never turn around!), but someone (Someone!) was listening to their music on the train this morning very loudly. So loud that I was able to hear that they were disturbingly listening to one song over and over and over and over... The song: Holding Out for a Hero, by Bonnie Tyler. (I looked it up when I got to work in the hopes that educating myself on the song would alleviate the constant loop the song continues to be on in my head.)

Occasionally, you run into these people. These loud music people who give zero fucks that everyone on the train can hear them rocking out to the Footloose soundtrack (1984, thank you very much). And I think to myself: How do I become like them? What kind of person must I be to walk through life giving zero fucks. These are the people that grow old and eventually block an entire aisle in Target with their empty cart. I envy them. I envy their obliviousness and the obvious bliss they must experience on a daily basis.

Maybe later today I'll practice by making a right turn in the car without using the turn signal. No! I can't! I can't! That's too much too soon. I'll start smaller... a fart in the elevator maybe?

Charting Christmas

2011-11-05T11:44:00.001-04:00

We Need More More Plots

2011-11-03T08:36:00.003-04:00

I got caught in literary limbo this morning. I abruptly came to the end of a book I was reading and then it ended just like that. I was so involved and invested in the characters of this book that I paid no attention to the end which was apparently coming fast. And I use a Kindle which actually tells me in specific terms how far I've come in the book. I'm not complaining, just pointing out one of life's little pleasures: Getting lost in a book. On the train. On a Thursday morning.

Then I sat there doing my best not to make eye contact with a stranger fearing they'd think I was staring at them, and yearned (yearned?) for more. It was a good book, yes, but I want this feeling to come from more arenas of my life. I'm pretty sure it has happened after I cooked something surprisingly delicious (like the biscuits and gravy I made a couple weeks ago from scratch). Or after kick ass sex (the kind that stays with you the next day and gets in the way of all your spreadsheets and fax cover sheets). Can you imagine what a commute on the train would be like if all the riders had just gotten laid thirty minutes prior?

I guess that's what finishing a good book feels like. Or maybe finishing any book, good or not. You work to get to the end and then bask in it for a while. Is the larger message here about appreciation? Do we need more appreciation in our daily lives. It's easy to take for granted little things like operable escalators, or an unbroken shoestring, or a kiss. Have we forgotten, or were we never taught, that epic stories start with a kiss?

Winner

2011-11-02T09:28:00.001-04:00

A bunch of us here at work pooled together and bought 24 lottery tickets. I guess the jackpot is some obscene amount of money beyond 200 million dollars. Assuming we already won, we've been making plans for our winnings. I already stated that I'm going to move to LA for a few weeks and live like Entourage. Then after some hard core partying, after emerging from the Nevada desert lost, confused, and wearing only my pants on my head, I'll come back down to Earth and do right. Maybe it's time for my coffee shop, Coffee Shop, to become a reality...

First, I'll need to choose three friends to come live like Entourage with me...

My Week with Marilyn

2011-11-01T11:54:00.002-04:00

Sweet Theivery

2011-11-01T09:39:00.001-04:00

There's loot everywhere! Bags and bowls of candy culled from children's trick or treat bags strewn about my office. (Always grab the Bottlecaps! Those are rare and delicious.) I'll go out on a limb and assume the children who did the legwork for these offerings have not realized that their stash has decreased by 30% overnight. If I find out that my mom did this to me there will be Hell to pay! **Best to confront her over the Thanksgiving table. Good idea.

Speaking of Thanksgiving... How about that kick ass green bean casserole! Yeah!

James Love

2011-10-27T08:21:00.000-04:00

Music Appreciation: The Pixies

2011-10-26T11:42:00.000-04:00

"I wish someone made music this good nowadays."

Off Load Your Soul

2011-10-26T09:02:00.000-04:00

If you ride the Washington DC metro train long enough you'll become familiar with the term "off loading." It's what happens when you're completely immersed in a really great book and the train operator says, "Sorry, folks, we're going to have to off load this train." And then all of us spoiled, grumpy, entitled commuters have to exit the train like babies being woken in the night and rudely taken out of our warm, cozy cribs. It's at this moment you see people for who they truly are. Watch their faces. Listen to their grumbles. Without context, you'd assume the train operator just asked us to get down on the tracks and push the train. Thanks.

These are the moments I relish. Simply because I use these instances in my life to remind myself how fucking great I've got it. After four years I'm still able to maintain a mortgage on our lovely condo; I have a woman in my life who STILL, after witnessing all my faces, loves me unconditionally; I have a beautiful son who can't be anything less than a messenger from God (or a message from God); I have feet and legs and vision and hearing and taste buds and a mind that never allows me to feel satisfied; I have vehicles in the garage; I have comfortable shoes; I have a job that affords me silly dalliances like video games and comic books; and I have a seat on a heated train car speeding me into our nation's capitol twice a day five days a week. I know there's more, but I didn't have enough time to think of them because another train arrived to pick us up three minutes after we off loaded. Interestingly, my fellow off loaded passengers were still angry. The ones with the shiniest shoes always seem to be the most put out.

And then I got to work and opened the newspaper and got reminded of even more things I'm thankful for, like not having a bomb detonate near me on 15th Street, or having an empirical country's soldiers occupy my country because they want access to our oil. Maybe it's time more people in this great country of ours got off loaded in the middle of their routine, mundane lives so they can think about how fortunate they are. Maybe the fresh perspective will help someone somewhere like it helps me.

Dare to Get Closer

2011-10-25T12:43:00.001-04:00

Please watch this video. It's important to me.

Kinky Koffee

2011-10-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

The cream in my thermos of coffee decided it doesn't want to meld into/mix into/merge into what I typically drink every morning, that being a brown-colored concoction sweetened with sugar. Instead the coffee is still black with millions of floating particles that I assume was the cream. I'm drinking it anyway. I'll probably be sitting on the toilet later. But I have to have my coffee. And Starbucks coffee is awful, which sucks because there's four of them in every direction in a one-block radius from where I'm currently sitting.

Why does the coffee at Starbucks Coffee suck? Am I the only person to ponder that question? Or, am I the only person who walks in asking for a simple cup of coffee? Are the barristas even trained to pour a simple cup of coffee? "Are you sure you don't want whip cream or caramel goo squirted in that coffee?"

I'm going to open a coffee shop. And the only way to get a cup of coffee is to belly up to the counter and sit on one of those circular, spinny stools. And the coffee will be served in an actual coffee cup on a saucer. And we only serve coffee. Black. The ball's in your court when it comes to adding cream and sugar. No muffins, no tea, no juice, no anything other than a cup of coffee. But there will be free wifi and ample electrical outlets to plug your laptops into. And the waitresses will be topless - only women with symmetrical areolas will be hired. Just checking to see if you were paying attention... there won't be any tits. But you might see an attractive person hanging out writing a script for a play that might make it to an off-Broadway production someday. And maybe that person is into the same sexual deviancies you are. Only one way to find out... come on down to my yet to opened coffee shop. I think I'll call it Jason's Coffee Shop.

Stubby the PIg

2011-10-24T08:36:00.002-04:00

Saying "I stubbed my toe" does not do the act justice. It's not like we're dipping our piggies into a tepid pool to test its temperature. We violently kick dresser corners, table legs, and coffee tables so hard that stars blot out our vision for a few seconds before the pain surges in waves like an unforgiving tsunami of torturous agony.

My toe is purple. Purple! I accidentally "stubbed my toe" on James' baby swing and now my blessed toe is a shade of purple my body has never been. If it's broken I'll never know, because I refuse to sit in an emergency room for seven hours.

Which Lethal Weapon movie was it where Riggs was tied up and some thug was hammering his toes? THAT'S how I felt! Just like Lethal Weapon! And now I have a purple toe like a bad ass.

Skipping

2011-10-21T07:43:00.001-04:00

By Robert Morgan

A carburetor skips, and rocks
will skip along the surface of
a pond. A fugitive will skip
the country if he can, and crooks
will skip the payment of their debts.
And one can walk content or run
with joy across a summer field.
But why omitting steps is such
a sign of pleasure's hard to say,
as if the gap and shift, the quick
eliding interruption of
a stride, reflects the shiver jolt,
releasing dance; accentuates,
as heart is said to skip a beat,
the lift, arrhythmic, breathless gasp
and rush and reach of crossing first
one threshold then another in
the vivid hop from foot to foot,
the hurrying toward and with delight.

"Let's Chat"

2011-10-20T10:17:00.002-04:00

Sometimes my friend Ross likes to post the transcripts of instant message conversations we have on Gmail. Here is the one we had this morning: LINK

We think we're funny and contribute to each others delusions of grandeur.

Indiana Jones + Nathan Drake = Awww Yeah!

2011-10-19T12:37:00.001-04:00

Wanna watch Harrison Ford play video games for seven minutes? YEP!

He's playing Uncharted 3, the follow up to last years Game of the Year Uncharted 2. It's being filmed for Japanese commercials, but you can tell his reactions to it are real.

Tour de WTF

2011-10-18T08:05:00.000-04:00

It happened again last night - a man cycled by as I was walking Leia and said something to me in a different language. I think it was Spanish. And it's not a greeting like Hello, because I know what hello is in Spanish. No, this is a full sentence. Maybe four or five words. And it happens to me at least once a month. The same dude riding by saying the same Spanish sentence to me. The tone of his voice is positive and happy, so I'm pretty sure he's not insulting me. If he is then he's the most passive-aggressive Spanish speaking bicyclist I have ever seen. Eventually, I started putting my hands up every time he cycled by giving the international gesture for "What the fuck are you saying to me?" Last night I yelled back to him, "I don't understand you!" But he keeps cycling away. I'm this close to staking this guy out. Hiding in the bushes maybe. Because I got questions.

Moral of the story: Life is a strange man saying something to you in a language you can't understand as he speeds past on his bicycle. Once a month. Forever.

Music Appreciation: Mother Love Bone

2011-10-17T10:31:00.000-04:00

Here's some stuff

2011-10-17T08:22:00.001-04:00

My bus was two minutes early this morning. I ran to catch it successfully. But two other people weren't so lucky. I suppose if the zombie apocalypse were upon us we'd be down two more humans.

I watched Cameron Crowe's documentary Pearl Jam Twenty on Saturday night. I'm not a big Pearl Jam fan, but holy shit this movie was fantastic. I was transported back to the early Nineties. The story of Pearl Jam and the birth of the Seattle grunge sound was surprisingly enthralling. I suppose it helps that I was coming into my own regarding musical tastes during that time period, but if you care about music at all I highly recommend watching this movie.

We shopped at Whole Foods over the weekend and spent gobs of money on meat. Honestly, if you like meat you really can't do better. There comes a time in a man's life when he has to ask himself: How important are my meat purchases? Am I satisfied with the shitty normal grocery store fare?

We tried shoving solid food in James' mouth yesterday. Nope. Not ready. He had the same look on his face as me when I ate eggplant the first time.

Lament

2011-10-16T00:19:00.002-04:00

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to maintain this virtual personality with people spread across the country who could give two shits about what I had for dinner or what TV show I think is best. Facebook has taken something away from me. But I can't figure out what that is. Yet. What I do know is that I miss the way people sound when they talk. I miss eyes and lips and hair and shoes and music. When did we start losing conversations? Can I blame Facebook? Am I allowed to blame Facebook? Guns don't kill people...

There's experiences we're missing out on. There's facial expressions we can't see. Music heard as a collective group carries so much more water. So much more.

Wayne

2011-10-14T16:27:00.001-04:00

Good news: I have a new comic book shop. Aftertime Comics in Old Town Alexandria. Got off the train one stop early and walked, with the help of my iPhone GPS, three blocks until I came to the old store front. The store was tiny with worn carpet and that musty smell that says, "You found it."

Wayne, the enthusiastic clerk, tested my comic knowledge with a series of questions about what books I read and what books I used to read. According to him, there's much I don't know. But I think that's how you pass the test. Allow Wayne to think he is better than you. Let him be your guide and teacher of this pulpy world. Wayne and I talked for an hour. Many people entered the store and left while I was in there. Some people came in for their "subscriptions" and left. Half of them were girls. Wayne tried to include them in our conversation regarding the recent movies Thor and Captain America. Most agreed that Thor was the better movie which goes against everything I heard.

The meeting ended with a handshake and the standard tattoo everyone gets when they become exclusive members of a comic shoppe. Metaphorically speaking.

Funny Pages

2011-10-14T07:58:00.001-04:00

Terrible news: My comic book shop is closing. Where the heck am I supposed to buy my comics every week? I feel like my favorite uncle died. You know, the one who always got you the best Christmas presents. Now I'm on a quest. The Journey to Find a New Comic Book Shop!

I actually found one fairly close to my home in Old Town Alexandria. But this whole debacle got me to thinking... I should open my own comic book store in Alexandria. With the closing of Nova Comics I know there would be a market... The only problem would be coming up with a catchy, clever name. Like The Wizard's Spaceship; or, The Dragon's Lazer. Jason's Basement... sounds like a creepy place to buy men's underwear.

This is a Georgetown Cupcake

2011-10-13T12:54:00.000-04:00

If you're a fan of inane reality television this will mean something to you. How'd it taste? Like dense hype. Rich dense hype.

Manifest Density

2011-10-13T12:09:00.000-04:00

How do I describe the way I feel when no one sits next to me on the train? It's not like I'm a jerk - I often hold doors open for strangers and wear that closed-mouth smile while walking through a group of people. It's just... damn, I love having the whole seat to myself! And if I'm lucky enough to score the seat that has no bench in front of it, holy shit heaven.

You see, I'm a large man. Large and tall. The Metro seats are too small for me. My knees always (painfully) press against the seat in front. And if someone sits next to me, forget it - discomfort.

So this morning my commute felt like a high speed Asian train. Why do the good things go so fast? Typically when I'm jammed against the glass, knees afire, the train feels like a creeping wagon train being pulled across rugged terrain by elderly mules. Before I knew it my luxurious commute was over and I had to come back down from out of the clouds.

By the way, I'm reading The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides. For ex-English majors and literature lovers it's a must read. Recommendation made.

Occupy This

2011-10-12T09:33:00.003-04:00

There's a tent city in the park across the street from the Metro station I use on my way to work. There's a very nicely painted sign that reads "Occupy DC." Aside from being harangued by dirty college girls and men who look like every college professor I ever had, it looked fun.

Or maybe I was just gazing among the strewn tents and camping gear longing to go camping myself. Of course my camping experience has deer lazily strolling through my field of vision, as opposed to the homeless men eyeballing fancy REI water jugs.

Which brings me to my point: I certainly hope all these white people leave something behind for the homeless people whose land they're "occupying." As far as demonstrations go, the clearest perspective I had was a clear division between the white people and their expensive nylon tents and the homeless (black) men in desperate need of a jacket. A perspective, mind you, I was able to have on my way to WORK. A job I obtained by putting myself through college, all while working full time in between classes so that I could pay my rent and buy groceries.

I do think it sucks that the government bails out corporations, but when it comes to putting food on the table for my family and keeping a roof over our heads I'll be working whatever job I can find. And trust me, if I were in a situation where I suddenly lost my current job you better believe I'll be working somewhere.

Yes, there are injustices in the world. And often people born on third base think they hit a triple to get there, but it's no reason to stop moving forward and point fingers. I'm no sympathizer of either side, but there's only one person who gives a fuck about you and your family.

Then this happened

2011-10-07T15:47:00.002-04:00

Tom Cruise is following me on Twitter. That is all.

Farewell, Steve.

2011-10-06T07:55:00.000-04:00

Thank you.

The Invisible Train

2011-10-04T11:55:00.001-04:00

I can't think of a place that renders its occupants more invisible than the inside of a subway train. Or, actually, it's more like we each independently think we're invisible to the world, but won't or can't tell each other that no, you're not invisible like me. Kind of how we all agree on what red looks like even though its impossible to know if my red looks the same as your red.

Today I looked up from my book and discovered a woman looking at me. Typically, eye contact on the train is strange territory and usually accidental. But this chick was looking at me. Was she thinking, "Does he know he's not invisible?" Or was she thinking, "Wow, that guy hasn't looked up once during this entire trip." Or was she thinking, "Red hoodie was a good choice, dude. Roll on, righteous man." Or was she thinking, "I'd do him." Prolly that last one. Yeah.

S'morning

2011-10-04T09:56:00.000-04:00

S'like every other morning. Except I think I need to educate myself on this whole Amanda Knox thing. Firstly, Why does TV want me to care so much about this girl? Wait a tick... sex game gone wrong? Do tell.

Secondly, Occupy Wall Street, I'm not going to be a prick and say protesters are wasting their time, because hey this country was founded on nothing but protesting, but aren't there gobs of people who'd love to be there if not for the fact that they need to go to work so that they can pay the bills and feed their families? And what is it they're protesting? Capitalism? Good luck with that, unemployed cute college chicks.

Back to the sex games, so let me see if I understand this... American girl and Italian boy convince British girl to participate in a sex game. British girl somehow (accidentally?) dies and the other two get charged with murder. But wait, British girl had her throat slit. I'm confused. We've all had our sex games scares, but none of us has ever accidentally cut anyone's throats, am I right?

I obviously don't know all the facts.

Also, if I were a young Italian boy who somehow convinced two young girls to participate in sex games there is no way in hell I'm going to condone the murder of either of the girls thereby ending the sex games arrangement. There has got to be so much more to this story.

TV made me care about this story and I ain't gonna get any closure, am I? I'd appreciate a TV movie or something ASAP. Thanks.

UPDATE: The sex games was merely a theory. One of many in this very peculiar crime.

Look what my friend Andy found...

2011-09-30T14:13:00.002-04:00

The Genius of Adventure Time

2011-09-30T11:21:00.001-04:00

I can't imagine any excuse anyone would use for not watching this perfect show.

Flashdance on 15th and K

2011-09-30T08:57:00.002-04:00

The cute jogging girl concerned with keeping her heart rate up while waiting for the light to turn was very enthusiastic about it. I don't leer, but this chick demanded it. I tip my hat to you, scantily clad "running" in place girl. I'd love to hear the soundtrack of your life.

Norman

2011-09-29T15:22:00.001-04:00

Replicants

2011-09-29T09:40:00.001-04:00

There's this dog in our building - his name is Popo. He's a tiny, yipping, yapping dog. One day we saw Popo and his owner and said, "Popo looks a little different." The owner said, "Popo died." After a few seconds of condolences, we asked, "Well then, who's this?" And the owner said, "Popo."

Yes, Popo is dead. One week later a new identical dog was acquired and named Popo. People fucking do this.

When I was a kid, my friend Andy had a yellow Labrador named Maggie. Maggie got hit by a car. Soon after a new yellow Labrador was obtained and named Maggie.

People do this. I don't understand this. Why do people do things I cannot understand?

Parker and Stone Interview

2011-09-28T10:01:00.000-04:00

Awesome 60 Minutes piece on Matt Parker and Trey Stone:

The Roller

2011-09-27T08:28:00.002-04:00

Ice T unboxes GoW3

2011-09-22T13:32:00.001-04:00

Way to state the obvious, Lunch.

2011-09-22T13:07:00.000-04:00

REM

2011-09-22T11:53:00.001-04:00

If you were alive and driving a car between the years 1988 and 1992 then there was probably a copy of REM's Green tape somewhere in your messy car. I wasn't a huge REM fan, but I did wear that cassette out. Green absolutely is included on any musically discerning list of albums that made a difference in the evolution of music. Plus, we have REM to thank for the progression of what was/is commonly called "College Radio." After three decades of influencing most of the music world I thank REM for their contribution.

Molecules

2011-09-22T08:40:00.001-04:00

By Jason Carlock

The train odor
is a fight between
Burning rubber and
Sweat.

Danger and
Reassurance

Death and
Chemistry.

Tonight we'll eat hamburgers.

The Great Thought

2011-09-21T15:34:00.000-04:00

The Wednesday

2011-09-21T09:31:00.001-04:00