D-Day Plus 3

This has been one of the best weekends Lynette and I have had the pleasure of sharing.  No, there's no baby boy yet, and that's what makes this borrowed time so nice.  Not having to rush home from work due to anyone's water breaking, or zooming to the hospital in the middle of the night because the contractions are unbearable has forced us to be on-call and ready, but also kind of bored and waiting.

We've cleaned, organied, made last minute trips to stores, watched movies, ordered take out, etc. We're fully aware of the impending whirlwind headed our way, but it has been nice to go into it on our own terms, in our own time.

We're scheduled for induction Wednesday and most likely that's when our son will arrive.

Also, Pirates 4 was pretty good.

Due Date

Today is the "due date" for my son, but when he'll actually arrive is unknown.  I'm here at work trying to get through one more day of trivial minutia while the mother of my child sits at home alone, waiting.  Waiting for the contractions to start.  Waiting for me to come home.  I won't lie, this is probably the most difficult day I have had to come to work.  In hindsight I should've taken this day off.  Every time the phone rings...

Kate Bush.  I can think of no other music to get me through this moment of time.  She's an angel who reassures me that everything will be okay and soon my glorious son will be in the world.

Ukulele, Baby!

Photos by J.Carlock (Me)

Luck

This is the best wedding video I have ever seen. LINK 


LUCK - NYC Wedding Proposal from Aria Melody DJ on Vimeo.

This is LITERALLY the funniest post ever.

A collection of every moment Rob Lowe's character Chris Traeger has said "literally" on Parks and Rec.

Que Veux Tu

If happiness eludes you then you have only yourself to blame.  Because it's obvious you haven't watched enough videos like this one...



But seriously, you have so much to dance about every day.  Every day.  Think about it.  Then dance like a weirdie in a grocery store.

Thanks, Joe, for sharing this wonderful thing!

D&D, Again

Enter the Dragon from Roshan Murthy on Vimeo.

Bizarre Love Triangle on Ukulele

This video makes me thump my feet with happiness.  Obviously, there ain't a soul on Earth who doesn't like this song, but I'm drawn to it because of the ukulele.  Within the last month or so I have taken up the tiny instrument (which actually belongs to Lynette) and learned how to play it for the purpose of playing lullabies to my son, whenever the heck he decides to make an appearance.  So far I have learned two songs: With or Without You (U2) and Beautiful Boy (John Lennon).  

Jack Sparrow (feat. Michael Bolton)

Da

I watched a basketball game last night!  Seriously.  I heard that the Bulls were up against the Miami Heat in the playoffs and thought to myself, "I suppose I could watch that."  The last time I watched a basketball game was sometime in the late 90's when Michael played. 

It's funny how when I said, "Michael," you knew I was referring to Michael Jordan.  Can you imagine having that type of notoriety? Or if I was in Chicago right now and said aloud, "I sure do miss Walter," you can bet money there would be a handful of overweight, moustachioed men nodding their heads in agreement.  Likewise, everyone knows who The Coach is.  These men are important in Chicago folklore and I somehow have to figure out a way to convey these important historical figures to my son.  Unfortunately, a big picture of Mike Ditka on the wall might run the risk of giving my boy nightmares.  "Eat your peas or I'm gonna tell Coach!"  

Sadly, the boy ain't gonna know what real pizza tastes like either.  But I have to remember not to make such a big deal about it, otherwise he'll think the land where Father came from is nothing but obese Italians and Polish guys jawin' about 1985 and "If they can make the river green on St. Patty's Day why don't they dye it blue the rest of the days?" 

The moving walkway is about to end.

There are two types of people in the world: People who walk up the escalator, and people who won't get the heck out of my way! Seriously, it ain't a ride, citizens! There's no camera taking your picture that you can purchase at the top.  It's a mode of conveyance.  And unless you're old, injured, or a tourist walking up the escalator gets you to where you need to be faster. 

Same goes for the "moving walkway" at the airport.  They're designed to be walked on. Hence, the name moving WALKWAY.  What's next, America, a car that parks itself?  Lazy bastards.

But seriously. Let's burn some calories, yes?  "For your health!"

Jobs.

Dear women I see jogging every morning as I walk through the city streets of DC on my way to work:

When the heck do you work?! Because, WTF, it's not that early and you still have to run back home and jump in the shower and get ready and whatever.  By the time you walk out the door it'll be like nine or something.  Even if your job started at nine you're still going to be late.  But honestly, who starts at NINE anymore?  Hello! We don't live on TV! Normal Americans go to work in the dark and come home in the dark.  Screw those orange juice commercials that show Father entering the kitchen in the morning with his briefcase as he heads out the door with all his kids sitting at the table eating cereal, Sun ablaze in the windows..  Judging from the lighting in those commercials it looks to be about noon!  Screw you orange juice commercial guy, going to work at noon.  But seriously, you women jogging past me on my way to work, get a job. 

Or maybe you don't have a job. And then that means you're even further removed from reality. And to that I say, what's up with the skin tight, black Spandex pants?  I hate to sound shallow, but you ain't ready for those yet.

Your pal,

Guy walking to work checking out your ass as you run by.

Donuts, Doughnuts, Donuts

I got new shoes. 

It's not an important fact, just a fact.  People always feel compelled to announce that they got new shoes.

"Got new shoes!" 

Truth is, no one cares if I got new shoes.  I know they don't care.  I was mostly making chit chat.  It's a typical Monday morning anyway.  There's only so many conversations about Mother's Day I can have before my interested look turns into my hungry look.  Fortunately, my coworkers don't know me very well and can't tell the difference yet.   

Roll a D6

50 Years Ago Today This Happened...

Alan Shepard was the first American (second human) to fly into and successfully return from OUTER SPACE. 

When I was a young JC I was obsessed with the Mercury astronauts and to this day when I try to define what it means to be a Man (aka Bad Ass), I think of all seven Mercury astronauts.  Think about it: "Where gonna go ahead and launch you into space on the tip of a rocket. Cool? Cool."

Cool.

D&DASAP?

 

I want this.  Also, I had it.  Twenty five years ago. (Twenty five years?!) The funny thing is this Starter Set is an exact duplicate of the Starter Set I had twenty five years ago.  It's nice to see how some things don't change.

Anyway, the only thing left to do is find some nerdy grown ups to join me on this quest to geek out and roll some d20's.  Most of my close friends don't know this, but I am a former Dungeon Master.  I know, I know. Pretty cool.  I also used to create my own campaigns and maps.  I might even still have all my old dice.  Heck, now I want to rush home and find my dice! 

"The Death of Osama bin Laden"

From the blog of Justin McRobert:

I cannot possibly imagine the kind of catharsis Bin Laden’s death brings about for those who lost loved ones either on Sept 11, 2001 or during the subsequent military actions.  I don’t at all blame some among us from feeling some sense of release.  Were I among that number, I too would feel a great sense of relief today.

And yet, the christian narrative is one in which we await and long for the complete restoration/reconciliation of all things to God. Any other “solution” to brokenness is second best and a form of brokenness itself.

Bin Ladin’s death is one more death in a long chain of violence that began long before his birth and will continue long after his death.  I hardly expect anyone in my social setting to sincerely lament his passing. I do not. But celebrating his death (or any death, really) is revealing of a profound misunderstanding of the nature of war, the nature of evil, the nature of violence, the nature of death and, I believe, the heart of God.

Nothing has been won.
It is only another loss that can, for now, help some of us to feel better about the losses closer to us.
But that’s not a victory. It’s a compromise.

Death ought always be greeted with a sense of sobriety.  Because, though it may feel good (and that is fully understandable) death does not heal. Death does not solve.  Death does not fix. Every death is a reminder of brokenness.  As a christian, I must hope for and celebrate something better than this.

Kate's Hot; And Other Thoughts on the Wedding

 It's funny the things people say when they think they're being funny.  It's almost as if the joke itself doesn't matter.  And the context, or rather the act of making a statement on the joked-about subject is really what counts.

For example, the Royal Wedding (capital R, capital W).  To be honest, I have been barraged with more tweets and status updates from friends who are "sick and tired" of hearing about the Royal Wedding blah blah blah. And blah blah blah blah blah.

The truth is I'm pretty sick and tired of people saying they're sick and tired... Because really, unless I'm not watching the same lame television channels as these friends, I haven't felt that it was all that intrusive in my life. Seriously.

Here's what I know: Princess Diana was a pretty cool lady and she had some cute sons and she died tragically and her oldest boy grew into a heart throb and Kate Middleton is totally hot and beautiful and everything a country would want in a future queen.  Did I miss anything?  Oh, Harry.  He's my favorite.  You think Vince on Entourage is wild? Imagine being the fiery haired, North Pole hiking, fighter pilot prince whose got no chance at the throne.  Now THAT'S a guy who knows how to party!

I got to work this morning and checked the internet for images from the wedding.  And as far as I could tell it was simple, charming, subdued, and beautiful.  Kate's dress was terrifically modest and unassuming.  Everybody looked happy and a seemingly ageless tradition in Britain reassured its people that their monarchy, as powerless and meaningless as it seems, will go on.  Because that's what I'm really trying to get at here: This wedding was a very big deal to the people of Britain.  A very big deal.  Who are we to shit on their culture?

Let's not fool ourselves, America.  We're just as guilty of trivial pomp and inane ceremonial circumstance as any generation of Royal Wedding watchers. Imagine if the Super Bowl only occurred once every twenty years... Holy shit the advertising!

B T W
The only woman lovelier than Kate Middleton is Lynette White-Carlock, the Queen of Gorgeous Kick Ass Boom.

Things that are awesome right now

Portal 2 is awesome right now.

And the Washington Capitals.  They're awesome.

Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss is pretty awesome, too.

Pat the Zombie

Our friends Max, Chris, and Nat Cooper gave us the book Pat the Bunny to read to our future son, but here's a new take on a classic book from Boing Boing:

When my kids were little they loved it when my wife and I read Pat the Bunny to them. The crudely drawn illustrations and pastel colors were half the charm of this book; the real fun was the interactivity. On one page you could pat the bunny's soft fur. On another page you could scratch and sniff some flowers. On another page you could feel daddy's unshaven cheek.

Now that my daughters are older (8, and 13) they still occasionally like to flip through the book (I do, too!). But they whooped with delight when I showed them this amazing parody of Pat the Bunny called Pat that Zombie. The drawing style, colors, and interactive features on each two-page spread match the original page-for-page, except with creepy zombie scenes replacing the warm and cuddly ones. Instead of patting the bunny, little Judy eviscerates a bunny, exposing its slimy entrails. InsteaYoud of sniffing flowers, young Paul catches a whiff of the decaying, bloated remains of a zombie victim. Instead of feeling Daddy's scratchy beard, Judy feels Daddy's putrefying face. I posted a video of part of the book, but I didn't want to spoil the fun of the rest of the pages so I stopped after the first few spreads.

Far too often, parodies are poorly done and not very funny. I think it's because they don't honor the things that they are parodying. Pat the zombie is a rare example of a parody done right.