If you don't like Christmas then you can go to Hell. You go to Hell and you die! If you don't like Christmas then we can't be friends. Stop knocking on my door.
I walked into my dark office this morning using my body to turn on all the lights via the motion detectors and I discovered that one of my coworkers erected a full-sized Christmas tree in her cubicle. I stopped to give my mouth enough time to gape open with adoration. Seems I've been dethroned as quirkiest person in the office. Touche, coworker. Looks like I'll be wearing my Santa Claus suit to work tomorrow...
Because tomorrow is our Secret Santa event where we awkwardly exchange gifts with the people we kind of know but don't really know (limit $25 please). Fortunately, I pulled Greg's name. He's an older gentleman who loves the Washington Redskins. (That Secret Santa gift almost buys itself!)
I overheard someone complaining about the person they pulled for Secret Santa. I hope the person who pulled my name thought to themselves, "Yes! I got Jason!" Reality: My coworkers hardly know me and have no idea what to get me. I'm predicting a hat. Or a gift card.