Wednesday, December 31, 2008

United States of Tara

Hey, remember Diablo Cody? She's the stripper-turned-Academy Award winning writer of the movie Juno. For some reason, I fancy this gal. Not sure why. She is cute. But I think it's because she feels "local" to me. Sure, she's from the Chicagoland area and is now a big, fancy Hollywood commodity, but her sense of humor feels... real. Is that the word I'm thinking of?

Or maybe I just like her because she's a friggin' stripper turned Academy Award winning screenwriter. Shit, gotta love that story.

Anyway, she wrote a TV show which is being produced by Pappa Spielberg called United States of Tara and it airs on Showtime on January 19th. BUT you can watch the first episode here! Enter the password "tara."

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Seths

I had a thought this morning... I don't know anyone named Seth. Not a single person. I know OF some Seth's that seem pretty cool: McFarlane, Green, that guy from SNL. But personally, nope.

Also, I lament the popularity of Rocky movies through time. The "first one," or Rocky, was on TV last night and it is such a good film. Not a boxing movie, as the sequels would have us think. Sadly, any mention of Rocky to people nowadays conjures up images of Ivan Draco or Mr. T or catchy songs by late-eighties band Survivor. But the original Rocky... beautiful film-making. Go ahead, watch it. The subtleties and nuances are so underrated.

BTW, it DID win an Academy Award for Best Picture and Best Director in 1977. Also, Sylvester Stallone was nominated for a Best Actor Award and Best Screenplay. (Yup, Sly wrote it.) And let's not forget Talia Shire and Burgess Meredith, both legends and both nominated for acting awards that year.

One more thing, if you have a Wii, download the game World of Goo from the Wii Store. You won't be sorry.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Fa La Freezing



A Hanukkah song from My First Earthquake.

A Christmas Miracle; Or, How the Hell did the Bears Win Last Night?!

I'm a Bears fan, but even I know the Bears shouldn't have won last night. I mean, they sucked last night. Against the Packers nonetheless. But somehow, some way, my beloved team managed to send me into Christmas full of hope and cheer. Yes, yes, I know, the chances of them reaching the playoffs are slim - But not impossible! After witnessing last night's game, I think I may actually believe it could happen.

My voice is scratchy this morning from screaming after the Bears blocked a field goal sending the game into overtime. I felt bad for the fans who had to sit in zero-degree weather all night. I guess I'd rather be dealing with a scratchy throat than a frost-bit ass.

Kyle Orton, I still want to beat you with a rolled-up newspaper. I'm no football expert, but you really need to stop throwing the ball to the other team. I'll go ahead and assume you're giving most of your paycheck to the Bears' defense.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Christmas List of Good Things

Let's start the Holiday week off with a list of good things:

The following things are good, not bad:
  • Receiving Christmas cookies in the mail.
  • Swing-top caps on bottles of Grolsh beer.
  • Buying Christmas presents for dogs and/or family pets.
  • Zombie attack preparations.
  • Peet's coffee.
  • Receiving a candy cane from a coworker even though I probably won't eat it.
  • Seeing people's Christmas trees through their windows.
  • Listening to audiobooks in the gym.
  • John Denver and The Muppets A Christmas Together Album
  • Love, in any form, unconditionally and true.
  • Dean Martin singing Christmas songs.
What's on your list?

New Wallace and Gromit Movie!


LINK

It's called A Matter of Loaf and Death.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Glory at Sea


This has got to be one of the best movies I have seen this year. It's about 20 minutes long so give yourself ample time to enjoy it.

Glory at Sea

New FotC is online!

The first episode of Flight of the Conchords, Season 2 has been made available to people on the webs:

You kids with your music!

Tie Fighters, too?

Lesson: You know those plans for world domination ain't going so well when the EMPIRE tries to eliminate you.


null - Watch more free videos

Monday, December 15, 2008

Whopper Virgins


We're not happy until we corrupt every nook and cranny of this planet.

I'm a fan of Stacy Peralta (and a bit confused by this choice of film-making... I guess the King made an offer he couldn't refuse). Regardless of what you think of fast food and the cultural baggage associated with it, watching this video is very interesting. Though, I couldn't help but wonder if they also offered cigarettes and hookers to these unsuspecting "virgins." I wonder if the Europeans felt the same way after introducing shoes and small pox to the ingenious people of this new world over 500 years ago.

LINK Whopper Virgins

Amy Poehler Says Goodbye

She's awesome. A huge loss to the show.

When Monday Became Glorious; Or, BJs can save your life!

Monday started as any other Monday would/should start: The alarm came too soon, the ride into the city was dark and cold, and my motivation to be a productive member of The Team appeared significantly low.

As I do, I scanned the internets for interesting and entertaining news, etc., and I came across this headline:

Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women

"Obviously, this must be some sort of joke," I said to myself, chuckling. (Regardless of its validity, I would've posted it on my blog anyway.) But I read the article and I honestly think this is legit.

So I ran to the window and looked down upon the bustling streets of DC... nothing. No ticker-tape, no jubilant hugging, no high fives. Nothing. With this kind of news, men should be running in the streets doing their best to rival the reaction of the nation after victory in Europe was declared in 1945.

Women, I know what you're thinking. Well, I may not know what you're thinking, but I can picture the looks on your faces. Hey, what can I say, it's science. (I wonder if CNN will make a printable version of this article small enough to fit in my wallet.)

In other news, did I tell you about the blowjobs? Oh, right.

LINK to the above mentioned article, in case you missed it.

Update: It was just brought to my attention that blowjobs also cure headaches and help women lose weight. Outstanding!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Bear Down

I know the truth. I'm a realistic person. Rarely will you find me in a delusional state. But last night, while watching the Bears game, I found myself acting (reacting) with such emotional fervor you would've thought it was a playoff game.

Granted, it sort of was: If the Bears want any sort of chance of winning their division they can ill afford to lose any more games. But the reality is even if they do manage to pull a playoff berth out of their frozen, chapped asses they don't stand a chance against some of these contending teams in the NFL.

But there I was, standing, grunting, yelling. (Kyle Orton, I want to thwack you with a rolled up newspaper, dammit.) They won. In overtime. Barely.

You know, in this gigantic world of sports, there are only two teams I care about: Both from Chicago, both turning my hair gray. Technically, I am no longer a resident of the state of Illinois and no longer have any geographic obligations to these two teams. I'm sure the Redskins would welcome me with open arms. And the Nats have a wonderful new ballpark... But my love is unconditional unfortunately. My heart belongs to the Bears and the Cubs. For love, I shall suffer.

And suffer I do. Lynette can testify to that. She does her best to console me.

*Yes, I know it's just a game blah blah blah, but to me the Bears represent home. The Bears represent my childhood. It represents my dad. Every time I get an opportunity to watch the Bears, I get a little of that back.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Give us our bike!

Call The Coach

In light of what I just found out about my long, lost home state of Illinois and it's habit of electing corrupt scumbags into office, LINK, I support the movement to petition for the state to appoint as governor of the Land of Lincoln The Coach.

Sign the petition here.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Thursday, December 4, 2008

God bless America; Or, I love boobies!

Hello, citizens.

I trust you all watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show last night on CBS. Yeah, me too. Appropriately, it aired shortly after the classic family-favorite Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

I'll be honest: I enjoyed seeing the women walk around in lingerie. I'll just go ahead and come clean right here, right now: I am a man who likes seeing attractive women nearly naked walk back and forth on a raised platform. I'm not sure I'd pay to see such an event, but I certainly wouldn't avert my eyes. As was the case last night. Truthishly, I really was tuned in to watch Rudolph. Then BAM! Boobies and high-heels!

So there I was watching the models strut their stuff. It was obvious that VS has their own hierarchy of models. I referred to them as the 1st string and 2nd string models. Obviously, Heidi Klum is a 1st stringer. Same with Adrianna Lima. (I only recently learned they had names because the show actually had opening credits displaying the names of the 1st string models. I'm being satirical, of course.)

There is a valuable lesson I learned while watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show: In these difficult economic times, one thing will always be there to comfort us and help guide us through the darkness... Beautiful women walking around in their skivvies.

I'm being serious. If you have a wife or husband or boyfriend or girlfriend, one thing will always be free and joyous: Gettin' naked and walking around the house, or watching your lover get naked and walk around the house. (If this not your idea of the gift that keeps on giving, then you have deeper problems that need to be addressed in a different post.)

No, really, I'm being serious. It's all about love, people. Or, maybe the true meaning of Christmas. And, no, you don't have to fork out money and buy fancy panties from Victoria's Secret to give your special someone that gift. I'm talking about a true appreciation for the sensual. A love for the affection reserved for the one you love. The best part: it's free.

And THAT is what the wonderful people from Victoria's Secret was trying to teach us last night. Even if you can't afford to put a ham on the table, you can still be thankful for your wife's gorgeous body. Or your husband's musky scent after he comes in from shoveling snow. Or the simple and immortal act of love. Be thankful for what is and has been in front of us the whole time: Beauty in its purest form.

For those of you who are a little slow on the uptake and can't read between my lines, go have sex with someone, preferably your significant other. Duh. Thanks, Victoria's Secret! Until next year, we await your eternal life lessons!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Kids Playing Video Games

There's something creepy about this video. These kids look like any one of them could grow up to be serial killers.

Apple Cult Exposed... On The Simpsons!

Any of this not true? Ok, fine, the Apple headquarters isn't located at the bottom of the sea.


All the King's Horses

Lynette and I were laughing pretty gosh darn hard over this bit. And then the running joke all weekend was... well, let's see if you can figure it out:

Star Wars Vs. Star Trek

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Fifty People, One Question (New York)


Fifty People, One Question: New York from Crush & Lovely on Vimeo.

New Orleans version

(Gingerbread) House Party; Or, The Death of a Joke

So there I was, just sitting there minding my own business when suddenly I receive a text message from our good friends, Max and Chris. The text message stated that we were invited to a gingerbread house party.

I texted back that I planned on making a gingerbread Kidd N' Play.

Son of a ... Max and Chris didn't get the joke either. (To be fair, Max and Chris are nearly a whole decade younger than us. House Party came out in '90 making them about 3 or 4 years old at the time. Maybe not that young, but you get the gist.)

Look, Kidd N' Play were these rappers in the late 80s who made a movie called House Party. And as a former English teacher the structural ambiguity of the phrase gingerbread house party struck me as funny.

Obviously, Max and Chris' message was stressing the two words gingerbread house and that it was going to be a party where the construction of said houses will occur. But I chose to put the stress on the two words House Party, bringing to mind the comedy stylings of Kidd N' Play.

The joke was dead before I hit send. I felt like Quagmire trying to explain the TV show Wings to Peter, Cleveland, and Joe.

You know, from Family Guy. Oh come on!


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thanksgiving!

No Thanksgiving is complete without the annual viewing of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

You Throw Like a Girl


TOKYO -- The knuckleball -- the fluttering, hard-to-hit pitch that's rare in the major leagues -- is propelling a 16-year-old girl to the pros in Japan.

Eri Yoshida was inspired to learn how to throw the knuckler after seeing a video of Boston Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield. On Monday, she broke the gender barrier by being drafted for an independent league team as Japan's first female professional baseball player.

"Hope I can see her pitch one day," Wakefield said in a message he texted to the Red Sox that was relayed to The Associated Press. "I'm honored that someone wants to become me. I wish her the best of luck. Maybe I can learn something from her."

Eri Yoshida wore her high school uniform at the news conference, but the next uniform she gets to put on will be that of a pro baseball player.

The high schooler was chosen by the Kobe 9 Cruise in the Japanese League, which starts its inaugural season in April.

The Cruise are a far cry from Tokyo's Yomiuri Giants. Making the squad is more like earning a tentative slot on a farm team than warming up in the bullpen for the Red Sox.

Even so, the 5-foot, 114-pound Yoshida has smashed the glass ceiling with her unorthodox, sidearm pitch in baseball-crazy Japan, where women normally are relegated to amateur, company-sponsored teams or to the sport of softball.

"I'm really happy I stuck with baseball," Yoshida said in a news conference after she was chosen with 32 other players in the new league's draft. "I want to pitch against men."

Yoshida is hoping to find enough success to one day challenge the likes of the long-established Central and Pacific leagues, home to the best and brightest Japanese players and increasingly a fertile ground for talent headed to the majors in the United States.

Yoshida said she wants to emulate Wakefield, who has built a successful major league career throwing a knuckleball, which is difficult to learn and even harder to throw with success.

Wakefield and Seattle's R.A. Dickey were the two most prominent pitchers who were primarily knucklers to appear in the major leagues last season.

Eddie Cicotte of the Chicago White Sox was the first highly successful knuckleballer and won 20 games three times in four seasons before he was kicked out of baseball following the 1920 season for his role in the Black Sox scandal.

Three Hall of Famers relied on the knuckler: Hoyt Wilhelm, Phil Niekro and Jesse Haines, and the pitch also was associated with Tom Candiotti, Charlie Hough, Joe Niekro, Steve Sparks and Wilbur Wood.

"It's funny that I've reached that point in my career that people want to emulate me," Wakefield said. "I'm glad I had people like the Niekros, Charlie Hough and Tom Candiotti that I could look up to. I am deeply humbled that it is me this time."

Yoshida started playing baseball when she was in the second grade, tagging along with her elder brother, now 19, and played first base on a boy's team in junior high school. She also joined her high school baseball club, but quit because the training was too tough. Then she joined a private club.

According to media reports, Yoshida was inspired to throw knuckleballs when her father, Isamu, showed her a video of Wakefield pitching. She thought that she could do it, too.

"She must be doing something right," said Dave DeFrietas, a scout in Japan for the Cleveland Indians. "She got signed. I hope it's because of the way she plays, and I wish her success."

Her manager agrees. "Her sidearm knuckleballs dip and sway, and could be an effective weapon for us," said Yoshihiro Nakata.

The news of Yoshida's signing -- she was chosen in the seventh round -- was met with some skepticism that the league might be trying to grab headlines by naming a woman. In that, they certainly succeeded -- Yoshida's photo was all over the morning news Tuesday, and she was featured in a profile in the prestigious Asahi, a major national newspaper.

"I think her recruitment is in part for the publicity," said Toshihiko Kasuga, the director of the Women's Baseball Association of Japan. "It would be extremely hard for women to squarely compete against men in any sport."

But Kasuga said Yoshida's success could encourage other female players, whose population has surged since little league teams opened their doors to girls about 10 years ago.

Baseball history in the United States has occasional examples of women taking the field with men. While pitching for the Double-A Chattanooga Lookouts in an exhibition game against the New York Yankees, Virne Beatrice "Jackie" Mitchell Gilbert struck out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in succession. In the last couple of decades, at least three women have pitched in independent minor leagues.

Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press

The Cutest Girl on the Internet

Must. Look. Away. Cuteness.. Slowly.. Killing me...

Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

How to Get Lucky

Scientific proof that you make your own breaks.


For centuries, people have recognized the power of luck and have done whatever they could to try seizing it. Take knocking on wood, thought to date back to pagan rituals aimed at eliciting help from powerful tree gods. We still do it today, though few, if any, of us worship tree gods. So why do we pass this and other superstitions down from generation to generation? The answer lies in the power of luck.

Live a Charmed Life
To investigate scientifically why some people are consistently lucky and others aren't, I advertised in national periodicals for volunteers of both varieties. Four hundred men and women from all walks of life -- ages 18 to 84 -- responded.

Over a ten-year period, I interviewed these volunteers, asked them to complete diaries, personality questionnaires and IQ tests, and invited them to my laboratory for experiments. Lucky people, I found, get that way via some basic principles -- seizing chance opportunities; creating self-fulfilling prophecies through positive expectations; and adopting a resilient attitude that turns bad luck around.

Open Your Mind
Consider chance opportunities: Lucky people regularly have them; unlucky people don't. To determine why, I gave lucky and unlucky people a newspaper, and asked them to tell me how many photos were inside. On average, unlucky people spent about two minutes on this exercise; lucky people spent seconds. Why? Because on the paper's second page -- in big type -- was the message "Stop counting: There are 43 photographs in this newspaper." Lucky people tended to spot the message. Unlucky ones didn't. I put a second one halfway through the paper: "Stop counting, tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $250." Again, the unlucky people missed it.

The lesson: Unlucky people miss chance opportunities because they're too busy looking for something else. Lucky people see what is there rather than just what they're looking for.

This is only part of the story. Many of my lucky participants tried hard to add variety to their lives. Before making important decisions, one altered his route to work. Another described a way of meeting people. He noticed that at parties he usually talked to the same type of person. To change this, he thought of a color and then spoke only to guests wearing that color -- women in red, say, or men in black.

Does this technique work? Well, imagine living in the center of an apple orchard. Each day you must collect a basket of apples. At first, it won't matter where you look. The entire orchard will have apples. Gradually, it becomes harder to find apples in places you've visited before. If you go to new parts of the orchard each time, the odds of finding apples will increase dramatically. It is exactly the same with luck.

Relish the Upside
Another important principle revolved around the way in which lucky and unlucky people deal with misfortune. Imagine representing your country in the Olympics. You compete, do well, and win a bronze medal. Now imagine a second Olympics. This time you do even better and win a silver medal. How happy do you think you'd feel? Most of us think we'd be happier after winning the silver medal.

But research suggests athletes who win bronze medals are actually happier. This is because silver medalists think that if they'd performed slightly better, they might have won a gold medal. In contrast, bronze medalists focus on how if they'd performed slightly worse, they wouldn't have won anything. Psychologists call this ability to imagine what might have happened, rather than what actually happened, "counter-factual" thinking.

To find out if lucky people use counter-factual thinking to ease the impact of misfortune, I asked my subjects to imagine being in a bank. Suddenly, an armed robber enters and fires a shot that hits them in the arms. Unlucky people tended to say this would be their bad luck to be in the bank during the robbery. Lucky people said it could have been worse: "You could have been shot in the head." This kind of thinking makes people feel better about themselves, keeps expectations high, and increases the likelihood of continuing to live a lucky life.

Learn to Be Lucky
Finally, I created a series of experiments examining whether thought and behavior can enhance good fortune.

First came one-on-one meetings, during which participants completed questionnaires that measured their luck and their satisfaction with six key areas of their lives. I then outlined the main principles of luck, and described techniques designed to help participants react like lucky people. For instance, they were taught how to be more open to opportunities around them, how to break routines, and how to deal with bad luck by imagining things being worse. They were asked to carry out specific exercises for a month and then report back to me.

The results were dramatic: 80 percent were happier and more satisfied with their lives -- and luckier. One unlucky subject said that after adjusting her attitude -- expecting good fortune, not dwelling on the negative -- her bad luck had vanished. One day, she went shopping and found a dress she liked. But she didn't buy it, and when she returned to the store in a week, it was gone. Instead of slinking away disappointed, she looked around and found a better dress -- for less. Events like this made her a much happier person.

Her experience shows how thoughts and behavior affect the good and bad fortune we encounter. It proves that the most elusive of holy grails -- an effective way of taking advantage of the power of luck -- is available to us all.

(From Reader's Digest)

NXE Today!


For my readers who are cool enough to be gamers, today the Xbox Live environment gets its much talked-about overhaul.

Called the New X-box Live Experience, Microsoft is targeting the Wii crowd by making the dashboard a lot more cutesie and "fun." For example, now we get avatars which are little cartoony representations of ourselves in the virtual world of Live. This feature will be fun for about a week.

Don't get me wrong - I think the new environment will be great. From what I've seen it looks awesome. Definitely 3G, if you know what I mean.

But what I think is going to be the biggest draw to this new dashboard is the incorporation of Netflix. Members will be able to stream (stream, not download) movies directly onto their TVs from Live. This is huge. Like how the Playstation 2 gave DVDs a kick start in '99, the Xbox will be a major player in the move towards streaming movies electronically onto our televisions (something Apple couldn't do successfully).

As luck would have it, I'm at work right now not downloading this wonderful new experience. Let's hope the Microsoft servers don't crash when me and the rest of the adult gamers get home from work tonight and all download NXE at the same time.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Monday, November 17, 2008

Apples and Bananas

I bought an iPhone this weekend. For those of you who are thinking, "But Jason, you rag on Apple fanboys all the time!" let me say this: I will continue to rag on you Kool-Aid drinking, smarmy bastards until you stop acting like Steve Jobs is the friggin' Second Coming of Christ.

Let's get something clear: I am a PC. When it comes down to computing, Apple has yet wriggled its way into my daily life. Face facts: The world runs on PCs and Windows.

Before you start blaming me of fanboyism, I used a Mac all through college. So, ha.

Anyway, the iPhone - I bought one because I think they're real cool. I've played with a few and really wanted one since they've been on the market. There were two things holding me back: The cost and Verizon.

Second point first, I was in a Verizon contract. Breaking that contract costs $175.

The other point, when the iPhone first came out it was something like $600. So in order for me to get one I'd be nearly $800 in the hole. No thanks.

But new shit has come to light. For starters, the iPhone only costs $199 now. And I was ready for a phone upgrade anyway and had planned on getting the new Blackberry Storm this week.

After some research, I decided it would be more cost effective to break my Verizon contract and buy the iPhone.

So now that I have the iPhone I have to say it really is a very neat thing. I plan on using mine as a PDA mostly. There's also a built-in GPS with Google Maps which works like a dream. And texting on it is so easy and fun. And, equally as important, it's thinner in my pocket than my last cell phone.

Did I mention it has Air Hockey on it? It totally does. Two player, even. So awesome.
JC

Friday, November 14, 2008

President Pizza

Mr. President,

Please force them to open up shop in your new neighborhood. Please. The pizza here sucks. It's sad because the people who live here have no idea. I'm sure ignorance is bliss, but dammit I miss pizza.

BTW, I'm being serious. There is not ONE pizza place here that can make anything resembling pizza. It's all shit (sorry, but I think the s-word is in order.)

Obama's favorite pie

Happy Friday, Everybody!

Hi. It's Friday. You should be happy. The long week is over.

If you're a Cubs fan (which I've been reported to be), it's a bittersweet day: Kerry Wood was let go by the Cubs yesterday. Even though I've been saying they should have gotten rid of him a long time ago, I will miss him. It was always exciting to see number 34 on the mound (Probably because it was a rare sight considering he was hurt more than not.) For me personally, Kerry Wood's rookie year was the same year I began my love affair with baseball, 1998. He and I share that year. In June of '98, he struck out 20 batters in a single game. And my respect for him grew this year when he decided to step down as a starter and pitch in relief. So, whatever team ends up getting him, I'll be slightly jealous.

In honor of Kerry Wood, let's make a list of cool things:

1. Possible Arrested Development movie? That would be cool.
2. Making the perfect omelette. It's all about the right pan.
3. Rum and ginger ale. My new favorite drink.
4. Not getting laid off. In today's economic climate, keeping a job is like getting a job.
5. Donuts. Even now, after all the exercising and healthy lifestyle changes, you still can't deny the power of the donut.
6. Video games. A whole slew of new games just came out: Call of Duty World at War, Gears of War 2, Fable 2, Fallout 3, LittleBigPlanet...
7. Red sweaters with one horizontal stripe going across the chest.
8. Detective Comics. The art is fantastic and the covers blow me away.
9. The new Blackberry Storm. I'm so getting one.

You got something cool to add to the list? Just post a comment here, turkey.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Blue Virginia

I'm proud to be a Virginian.

Charles Meets Barack

Imagine

Election Night, Washington DC

Sweet Home Chicago

Bump

I'm an American

This feeling is so new and strange. This pride I have... I can't compare it to anything. I feel like I just won something. Or that I just found that new way home I didn't know existed. I have strong urges to buy photos and posters of my new president and hang them in my house. I want to walk around a congratulate everyone. I want to stop what I'm doing and pay attention to the TV every time my president speaks. I want to celebrate. I want to (finally) hope for a better country rather than fear a worse one.



Fired up! Ready to go!

Monday, November 3, 2008

I Love Christmas

John McCain Fine Gold

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Saturday Night Live has been red hot lately. Their political sketches are spot on. Senator McCain made an appearance on SNL over the weekend and it was funny. (Extra points for Cindy.)

Friday, October 31, 2008

Boo!

Happy Halloween! Git you some candy today. Git me some, too.

I was reading a blog this morning that said if Obama takes Virginia on Tuesday then he has won the election. If he takes North Carolina, it's a landslide. So, as a Virginian, I will be doing my part to turn this state blue, and hopefully put Obama in the White House.

I read an article in The Post this morning that motivated me even more than I was before. In short, the article profiled young Republicans who were setting out to campaign for McCain and stop "liberal activism."

Liberal activism? I thought, "What the hell does that mean?" As far as I can see, "liberals" are an tolerant group who fight for the equal rights of ALL people, UNCONDITIONALLY. Whereas the other side only supports you and believes in you if you're Christian/Straight/War loving. What ever happened to peace and loving thy neighbor? I am getting so freaking sick of the right-wing, conservative double standards.

And don't get me started on the fear-mongering. That may have won the election for Bush in 2004, but people have smartened up. The hang over from September 11th has worn off.

Recently, I was asked why I was a Democrat. My response was that since I was not racist, not homophobic, and not living in 1958, I really had no choice. Saying this to Republicans angers them, obviously. Which is sort of the point, but it is never sufficiently argued. Like most Republicans, the exchange becomes heated and angry. (Shoot first, right nut-bars?)

Look, Republicans, you had your chance. Two chances, actually. Eight years. It was all yours. I hope you enjoyed it. Because now it's time for a change. I'm sick of hiding. I'm sick of feeling ashamed. I'm sick of fear.

So, Tuesday... Election Day... A historic day in this country. Pardon my language, but if you don't vote then you, sir or madam, are a colossal asshole. It's time to stand up for what you believe in.

Unless you're a Republican, in which case you can just stay home and polish your guns or make fun of people or whatever it is you do in your free time.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Can Finally Get My MTV

I'm a child of the Eighties. I remember MTV. The real MTV. The MTV that showed music videos. Back in the Eighties, it was the only way to hear new music. And to actually see your favorite bands. I remember rushing home so I could see the new Van Halen video for Panama. (That prick Todd Scow was talking about it all day at school and I wanted to see it!) And then in high school I remember watching MTV all day in anticipation for Def Leppard's new video for Pour Some Sugar On Me.

Anyway, I can go on and on and on.

My point: On Tuesday, MTV launched a web site where they show ALL their videos. YouTube, be warned. Just type in the band and get a list of all their videos. Want to see Van Halen's Panama? Just type it in!

So, now I know what I'll be doing all day. Better cancel all my meetings.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

Farewell, Amy

Speaking of babies, Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live finally gave birth on Saturday night. I loved the fact that she was still doing the show while nine months pregnant. Unfortunately, she has stated that she will not return to the show.

Here's the hilarious bit she did a couple weeks ago while Sarah Palin was on the show:

Catherine's having a baby.

On Wednesday. Due to the results of some test, Catherine will be induced to give birth on Wednesday. So I guess that means we still have to go Baby Care Class tonight.

In other news, Lynette and I got invited to a Halloween Party this Friday and we have no costumes. I need to act fast or we're going to be that couple. I always hated the people who showed up for the Halloween party sans costume.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

It's Pretty Good

I started playing Fable 2 last night. It's a video game for those of you who refuse to be cool like me. It's really good. So far. If you're reading this and you also play video games, Fable 2 is worth a purchase.

In other news, I picked up the special 2-disk Blu-Ray of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull while I was at Best Buy last night. It was on sale for $25. So if you have a Blu-Ray player and think Indiana Jones can do no wrong, then get thee to a Best Buy.

BTW, Indiana Jones can do no wrong.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Monkey Rides a Segway

Monkeys? Segways? What could be better? I know! But amazingly, the monkey learns how to ride the Segway in this clip. Oh, and he's wearing people clothes. I like for all my monkeys to be wearing people clothes.

Bohemian Rhapsody

There I was, driving to work. 6:20 AM. It was still dark. Light traffic. And I suddenly got lost in a song. It was Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, except covered by The Flaming Lips. I highly recommend giving it a listen. Queen songs are difficult to cover and too many bands try when they shouldn't. But The Flaming Lips nailed it. Wonderful.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Monday

Welcome back to work, everybody.

I know you don't want to go to work, but that's a given and not really worth talking about. Instead, let's talk about the weekend, yes?

Did you see Saturday Night Live? Sarah Palin was on and she was actually pretty good. Obviously, the jokes are mostly at her expense, but she took the heat like a pro. It was a very good episode. Alec Baldwin mistaking the real Palin for Tina Fey was classic.

I spent most of my weekend playing video games. We went out with Max, Chris, and Ross on Friday after our weekly Pawn Pals meeting (aka drunken chess). We ordered a pizza with Catherine Saturday night. She's our republican, soon-to-be mother friend. Her and I argue about EVERYTHING.

On Sunday, I baked a chicken and made mashed potatoes. It was grand. In the morning, we went to the little coffeeshop down the boulevard. I ate an apple fritter. Lynette's latte was too hot.

We learned that a new Best Buy is opening a few blocks away, so that'll be a new, closer place to spend my money. Catherine told us it was open, but when we went there we learned that it wasn't.

So, how was your weekend?

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Time Traveller

Proof of time travel, or just a well-done film/hoax? You be the judge?

Christmas List Growing

Do I really have to explain it? How awesome is this! The backpack is pretty cool, too! HaaayOOooooooh!


But, seriously, folks, do not buy this for me lest you want me to end up beaten and left for dead in some back alley with pieces of plush Artoo shoved up my ass.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Chunk, Is That You?



Apparently, some dolts in Hollywood were pitching a movie called Goonies 2. Thankfully, it ain't gonna happen. A part of my childhood can remain sacred.

Which One Would You Pick?

Barack Obama or Lizard Man?


But seriously, WTF?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Christmas List Begins

This is a very clever trailer for a new video game called Fallout 3 that takes place in a post-apocalyptic Washington DC.


The marketing for this game has gone viral. Look at these photos of the inside of the Metro Center here in DC. I think I may go for a ride on the train just so I can see this.

Animals Save the Planet

A series of cute Aardman animations (Wallace and Gromit) promoting a green lifestyle from Animal Planet.

LINK

Upsidedown Dogs!

Need a chuckle? Click the link to the right.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Dear Cubs

I've been doing some thinking.

I think I'm going to become a White Sox fan. Aside from being extremely upset with you, it makes perfect sense. My dad is a White Sox fan. He grew up on the south side of Chicago. I was raised in a White Sox house. I feel compelled to return to my roots.

I became a Cubs fan (and baseball fan in general) in 1998 during the home run race between Sammy Sosa and Mark McGuire. My dad never said anything, but it must have disappointed him a little to see his youngest don Cubbie blue. And, coincidentally, all his sons became Cubs fans. I can wear Sox black with pride knowing I'd be making my dad proud.

Also, screw you Cubs. Maybe if enough of us jump ship you'll start to understand how much you've hurt us.

In the end, at least for now, I'll be wearing a Sox hat out of spite.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Comedy Takes Sacrifice

Sometimes true soldiers of comedy take one for the team. I salute you, Richard Avis. Godspeed.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Real Live Babies!

So last night we went on the official hospital tour with our pregnant friend Catherine. She's a soon-to-be single mother and we're helping. She lives right down the hall so it's only natural that we're the ones to step in.

Not having any children of my own (that I know of), this is a very interesting experience. In a way, we feel like we're getting some hands on experience that many parents aren't fortunate enough to get before they're shot from that proverbial cannon into the big, open sky of parenthood. We get to live vicariously through Catherine while she endures all the actual stress and pain of pregnancy and childbirth. But we get to watch! I'm being sarcastic, but we have been chosen to be in the room when she actually gives birth. So that'll be pretty cool and mostly terrifying. For me. Or not. I won't know until we're there. But being in the room last night made it all a bit more real.

And we got to see real live babies.

In a way, I feel like I'm cheating. I get to live through all this and not actually be a father. Last night, when the tour-lady kept addressing "the dads" she kept making eye contact with me. I felt like Ralphie in A Christmas Story in the scene where Ms. Shields was trying trying to find out who put Schwartz up to sticking his tongue to the flag pole. "Wasn't me," is what my face probably looked like as I looked around the room to the other, actual dads.

Next week, we're taking a baby care class. How they're going to fill three hours on the art of changing a poopy diaper is beyond me.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Monday, October 6, 2008

What Would Bullock Do?

God, I miss Deadwood.

We could really use Al Swearengen right about now. The times are aching for a smack in the mouth.

Have you heard?

I thought everyone had heard.

Losing My Religion; Or, Goodbye Chicago

Something happened this weekend. Something meaningful. Though, not cheerful. I can best describe my emotions with one word: Sobering.

What I'm feeling is somewhat euphoric, but at the same time solemn. It's that same feeling one gets after the end of a long, torrid relationship. When one person makes the decision to end what can best be described as a series of disappointments, regardless of a few moments of joy sprinkled throughout. Eventually, the love affair must end. Eventually, you have to ask yourself, "How many times am I going to allow him/her to let me down?" "How long will I continue devoting so much of myself to this relationship with little or nothing in return?"

I am speaking about the Chicago Cubs. The best team in the National League this year. Swept by the Dodgers as if they were some crappy Wild Card team lucky to even be in the playoffs. My anger and shame go beyond words, so I will not sit here and make you read some sad tirade about why the Cubs suck, etc.

Instead, I will tell you that I am embarrassed to wear my Cubs hat. I can't do it. I can't walk around in public with that thing on my head.

You see, there is only so much abuse one can take from something he loves. Eventually, you have to step back and ask yourself, "What am I getting out this?" I have stood by my losing team loss after loss, but this one feels different. This one cuts deeper. This one is making me question my relationship with baseball in general.

Mentally, I'm tired. The season is long. And I don't know if I can do it again. I can't go all season knowing the Cubs are the best team in baseball only to lose it so quickly in the postseason.

Poof. Gone. Like it never existed.

Right now that's me. Poof. Gone.

If I had to decide right now whether or not to continue my thankless relationship with baseball I'd say so long. If I had to decide RIGHT NOW - I'm out. I'm done.

If this were a relationship with a woman, I would've dumped her ass a long time ago.

So... What does the future hold? Well, I guess we'll see. Maybe the Cubs and I will bump into each other somewhere down the road. Maybe not. Can't say. And honestly, I don't really care.

Moving forward... I think I'll go watch some football. (Bears won yesterday.)

Friday, October 3, 2008

Johnny Rotten's Butter!

Johnny Rotten is schlepping for butter. These are truly dark days.



"It's not about Great Britain, it's about great butter!" And that, children, is how we won the Revolutionary War.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Dear God

Let's be honest - We both know I don't really believe in you. (Heck, I got more proof of the existence of Santa Claus, but I digress.) But there are times in my life when I think What If? Actually, it's not What If, but rather Just In Case. And as an open-minded, intelligent person, I have much respect for all the religions of the world. I would never belittle any of them. Though I don't subscribe to their faerie tale creation stories and magical wizard-like powers that some of the main characters supposedly had, I do find that there is a strong, powerful energy surrounding the people who truly devote all their faith to it. Regardless of my beliefs, that power cannot be denied.

Now, this energy, this power I speak of, THAT is real. And THAT is what I hold in deep regard. Granted, for some, it takes the man-made stories of religion to bring it out, but I am a firm believer in this energy. It is an energy that existed in our universe long before simple humans climbed out of the murk. And this energy we all hold, I believe it controls every facet of our daily lives. The way in which we harness this energy, or the way we use it, positively or negatively, defines the outcome of everything we do. (BTW, this is why I believe "prayer" works... sometimes.)

Anyway, God, back to my point: I need to ask you for a favor. The Chicago Cubs are playing baseball tonight. (I'm sure you already knew that considering baseball is the second best gift handed down by one of your angels.) And, well, I'm NOT going to ask you to help them win. No. But what I do ask is if they lose, please let it be because the other team was better. If they lose, don't let it be because of some flukey, strange event that miraculously occurs. No black cats. No Steve Bartmans. No earthquakes. No meteorites. Just let them play baseball. And if the other team wins because they're truly better, I'll be ok with that.

You see, I'm a bit nervous this year. I'm nervous because they actually have a chance to go all the way. When it comes to baseball, I am superstitious. And when it comes to the Cubs, I prefer not to talk about them. But there's no use hiding anymore. They have a good chance of going all the way. But only if YOU prevent the unexpected from happening.

So please, God, please let them play normal, traditional baseball. Like I said, I have no problem with losing (heck, we're used to it), but don't let it be because a piece of the International Space Station accidentally broke off and fell to Earth landing on Wrigley Field. Please.

Sincerely,
Jason

P.S. Eamus Catuli!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I Vote For Bacon



(Tipping my hat to you, Elwood.)

Maybe Not

So the new dog doesn't appear to be permanent. He's a good dog. He just isn't fitting in very well. It's not a good match, as Lynette said. Also, he's HUGE. And I think our small condo is not appropriate for his energy level. Also, Leia has gotten stepped on, pushed aside, walked over, and nearly peed on. And that sort of behavior will not stand. I think we're better as a one dog family. Fortunately, we're only fostering him. We can give him back to the adoption agency without complication. I honestly think he deserves a more appreciative family for the type of happy, energetic dog that he is.

So anyway- Lynette's radiator cracked last night. Car went to the shop. That's the kind of week we're having.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Happy Friday, Everybody!

In light of our country's impending financial doom, I'd like to be the first to say I'm glad it's Friday.

Sure, it's raining and Fall's chill has arrived and Mercury is in retrograde and banks are imploding and the Republican presidential candidate might not show up for tonight's debate and the Bears' quarterback sucks and our Xerox machine needs toner, but this is going to be a glorious weekend.

Why? Because we're getting another dog.

Yup. Leia will soon have a companion. We have decided to adopt another greyhound. In fact, Lynette even stated once that we will never get a different breed of dog. It's hard to explain how these dogs aren't like typical dogs. They're so calm and graceful - they radiate soothing, comfortable feelings throughout the house. It's hard not to be overcome with positive energy when in the presence of these creatures.

Anyway, we pick him up tomorrow afternoon. To be safe, we're only fostering him with intent to adopt, in case he doesn't quite mesh with our lives. But I'm optimistic. In these days, you have to be.

So, like I said, it's Friday, and I see nothing but beauty and good times ahead.
JC

Thursday, September 25, 2008

McCain's Biggest Mistake: Pissing Off Dave

He blew off Letterman. For Katie Couric. Not cool, John. Not cool.

I don't care who you are - you never, ever, ever anger Mr. Letterman. Senator McCain might get away with canceling the debate, but this cancellation may be the final nail...


This just in: The McCain campaign continues to act like that drunk chick at your party who just broke your mom's lamp... McCain suggests moving Friday's debate to next Thursday thereby postponing the vice presidential debate. Is anyone falling for these ploys? Seriously. You're going to have to let her out of her crate sooner or later.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Becky Likes You

Have you heard my podcast yet? No? Well, that's because I haven't told many people about it. It's called Becky Likes You and I think it's real neat. You might, too.

Be warned, it's got swears and stuff. I wouldn't play it with children in the room. Or parents. Also, don't tell too many people about it because I'm not paying any royalties to the music industry for using their songs. With that said, please don't steal the songs from the podcast. Come on, guys, seriously, don't.

Time Out!

John McCain is like the kid who calls time out right before he gets smashed in the face with a dodge ball. Nice try, Senator, but you will be expected to show up at that debate on Friday.

Why didn't anyone tell me?!

I read in The Washington Post this morning that Lindsay Lohan has confirmed that she is dating a woman. Dating. A woman. Nerds everywhere (considering they read the Style section of The Washington Post) all had simultaneous dirty thoughts on this Wednesday morning of September 24, 2008.

See! You're having one right now! There! I'm not the only one!

(*Yes, I know, this post is coming across as incredibly crude and shallow, but I cannot deny that thing that makes me a man: 1. The strong attraction toward Lindsay Lohan; and 2. The sight of attractive women gettin' it on with each other. **If you're a man and you deny these desires than you, sir, are a filthy liar.)

UPDATE: Clay Aiken also came out today. For those of you who think of Clay in similar fashion. (I'm all about fairness in reporting. Thanks, Elwood.)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Heroes 3

So I watched the season premiere of Heroes last night. It was good. The first season was awesome. I mean really awesome. But then season 2 lost me about halfway through because it started to drag on. So I actually never saw a bunch of episodes from last year.

But I guess it didn't matter because, as NBC says it, "Everything is new." Without actually saying it, I got the gist after watching the cheesy, lame, one-hour "red carpet" (which was fake) special last night that NBC pretty much realizes that last year sucked. One of the cast members actually said, "Didn't watch last season? No problem!"

With that said, I watched last night NOT knowing what happened at the end of last season and NBC was right - Skipping season two didn't matter.

Anyway, last night's episode was good, like I said. It didn't blow me away like nearly every episode in season 1, but I got into it. I can tell it risks losing me again if they continue to perpetuate the same future end-of-the-world storyline.

But here's what will keep me watching: Villains. I like where they're taking this idea. Coincidentally, "Volume 3" is titled "Villains." Lucky me.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I'm a PC

All you smarmy, hipster, Apple fanboy lam-o's can suck a big one:

Things I'm Looking Forward To

1. Meeting our new dog next weekend.
2. Baseball's post season (featuring a team I like, but won't talk about until it actually happens)
3. Seeing the new Ricky Gervais movie
4. The election of a Democratic president (finally)
5. A few video games: Fable 2, Gears of War 2, and Little Big Planet
6. The end of worrying about Lynette's job
7. The birth of Catherine's baby girl (this list is in no particular order)
8.
9.
10.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Tina Fey as Palin on SNL = HILARIOUS



Nevermind. I guess NBC wants you cheap bastards to pay for it. But I reckon you'll just forget about it and move on with your day. Smart business model there, NBC! Way to go!

Friday, September 12, 2008

What did you say about my wang?

(from Sify News via Boing Boing)

Indian-White argument over genitals leaves three killed

Friday, 12 September , 2008, 08:28

Durban: Three men were shot dead and two left injured after an argument between a group of Indian and white visitors to a bar here, allegedly over the size of genitals.

Superintendent Muzi Mngomezulu of the South African police confirmed that five people were arrested in the early hours of Thursday morning in connection with the shootings, which erupted after a confrontation between white and Indian patrons of the bar late on Wednesday evening.

Two of them were in possession of firearms believed to have been used in the killings.

A worker at the bar, who requested anonymity for fear of reprisal, said a customer of Indian origin had remarked to a white customer while they were both at the urinal in the bar that his penis was bigger than that of the white customer.

"After both men returned to their friends, the two groups began swearing at each other before the group of five Indian men left the scene and all returned with firearms. They opened fire and three guys died on the spot. The other two were rushed to St. Augustine's Hospital, where I am told they are critical."

Mngomezulu said the argument is believed to have been racially motivated, although he could not confirm the incident at the urinal.

Durban is home to two-thirds of South Africa's 1.2 million Indians, with the unique Indian accent there often being the butt of jokes by comedians and arguments sometimes erupting over it in social environments if it is maligned by other groups.

Republicans are Liars.

MORE Seinfeld and Gates!

I love these commercials! There's something about Bill Gates' inability to act and Jerry Seinfeld's mastery of subtlety that has me hooked on these "commercials." This one is long and will probably be broken up into a few TV spots.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Pop Versus Soda

To all the bastards who made/make fun of me for saying pop. In your face, Space Coyote!

Seinfeld + Gates = WTF

Can't... stop... watching... this commercial. What does it all mean, Basil? I've seen this many times already and for some odd reason I find it pleasing and subtly humorous. But I don't know why. Granted, I'm already a fan of Jerry Seinfeld, but the absurdity of this commercial is weirdly beautiful. Interpretations are welcome.

Stand Up to Cancer

A film by Errol Morris.