Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Book: The Magicians

I am currently reading this book:

Elizabeth didn't like it. So... let me take a look see...

Fat Girl?

Um, I heard about this yesterday. The hoopla over Glamour showing "nude" pictures of a "plus-size" model... well, here it is. Here's your "plus-sized" "model"... First of all, am I wrong to point out that this woman looks very, very, very normal?
Second, this chick is hot.
Third, why aren't women like this on magazine covers? This woman is a true representation of our society. The problem with this picture is that it shows how very much screwed up we are as a people because a photo like this is causing people like me to blog about it. Quick, let's get back to the emaciated, anorexic girls so I can get back to feeling "normal."

The following is from the blog Occasional Superherione:

So here we have a nude photo that ran in Glamour magazine of a woman with a modest belly. It is, as bellies go, not really that big. In fact, if we had a supermodel contest for elegant bellies, this would probably win.

Now, did women go apes**t and totally bash this woman on Glamour's website for being fat? Is "True Blood" about vampires?

You know, I'm out to lose weight but I don't even try to appeal some tired "justification" as to thin being awesome (I love the woman who commented that the pictured model encouraged diabetes). We are in a shallow, shallow society and these are unfortunately the things (losing weight) that women often get more kudos for than being kick-ass at their job or being a great mother. Seeking out extreme weight loss to fit those skinniest of skinny jeans is on par, in my estimation, with putting a metal bolt through your earlobe or some other form of body-modification. It's extreme. Supermodels are extreme. Celebrities are often extreme. This isn't reality or the norm.

But thank God we have other women to (if you excuse the expression) keep the herd in line when anybody tries to break into normality and sanity. If the point being made over and over again is that "people just want to look at perfect people, not stomach rolls" – that means that as a society, we are so out of touch that we have developed a natural craving for unreality. To me, it's the mental equivalent of diabetes. We've induced Type 2 Insanity on the female population.

That said, I really want to fit into my old skinny jeans. Not the size 0s or 2s. But know, the size sixes. Maybe...four. Size four.

(Steamed veggie dumplings and Diet Coke for lunch...eying BF's greasy eggroll dangerously)

"Real Women Have Belly Fat"

Poem for today...

Admission Requirements of U.S. and Canadian Dental Schools

by Ron Koertge

Is your furniture in mint condition?
Has the loathing settled down?
Do you have many commemorative coins?
Do you know what the lighthouse stands for
in poetry?
Do you regard "uppers" and "lowers" as versions
of the class struggle?
If you could snow, would you?
Could you wear a red hunting shirt rather than
the traditional white smock?
When someone murmurs, "But my first love
is the oboe," are you disheartened?
If you were a bird. what would be your wingspan?
If someone said. his gums were clandestine, would
you look forward to the drilling?
Do you know what makes bipeds wild with joy?
Could you be specific?

"Admission Requirements of U.S. and Canadian Dental Schools" by Ron Koertge, from Making Love to Roget's Wife: Poems New and Selected. © University of Arkansas Press, 1997. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

To the man with the Kindle:

Dude, you're just ASKING to be jumped on the Metro. It looks expensive. And if it looks expensive then that means it'll be worth at least $50 at a pawn shop. You're an older gentleman and you look fairly defenseless. I'd hate to see you get punched in the face. You should do what I do and buy an actual book. Sure, you can't store thousands of them in one convenient location like you can a Kindle, but you'll also never get punched in the face for it.

Books = Not worth much in pawn shops = Not getting punched in the face.

(Living is easy if you do what I do.)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ten Things

1. Grape jelly kicks strawberry jelly's ass.
2. I'm hungry.
3. I wish I had Direct TV so I can watch Bears games this year.
4. It's been a while since I said anything poignant.
5. The transparent cover came off my iPhone and I don't care.
6. I secretly want to drive a bus.
7. The deli downstairs makes omelets. I may get one.
8. Corn on the cob is my food hero.
9. I will never read a book 'electronically.'
10. I like where I live.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Dark Jason

No, I'm in a great mood. GREAT mood. Honest.

It's just that lately I haven't felt like I've been acting like myself. I'm tired of being fake or congenial or whatever.

I feel like watching The Road Warrior. Love that friggin' movie.

Nice guys finish.

My days of being polite by default are over. For thirty-six years I have always been the smiling man. Always the first one to say hello to strangers in the hall. Always holding doors for people longer than necessary. Always worried about whether or people like me or are mad at me.

No more. Things that I actually care about are dwindling. The welfare of people around me is losing ground on my list of things I care about. Maybe I should make a prioritized list of things I care about...

Monday, August 10, 2009

Music Appreciation: Hoffs and Sweet

If you don't know who Matthew Sweet is I suggest you run out (or click) and get a copy of his album Girlfriend (Here's a song you may remember). And Suzanna Hoffs, well, if you don't know who she is then you need a swift kick in the pants. And I'll hum this song as I do it).

Head is Hot

There's a heat advisory today... so I guess it's going to be hot.

I shaved my head on my birthday and I keep telling people at work, "...heat advisory..."

This is a pretty good day so far... I haven't lost anything or injured myself in any way yet...

No one sat next to me on the train this morning. I friggin' love it when no one sits next to me on the train. Wait, maybe it's because of my hair! Genius!


This Friday is my day off. I plan on going to see District 9 and then picking up a copy of the new Madden 10. Anyone care to join me? Let me know.

Friday, August 7, 2009

"Score, A Direct Hit"

There's a scene in Sixteen Candles where 'The Geek' (the unnamed Anthony Michael Hall character) takes the passed out girl (Jake's girlfriend) over to his friends' house so that he can get a picture of him with the girl in the Rolls Royce. (What's that? You haven't seen the movie? First, smack yourself in the face. Second, fucking see it, jesus christ.)

I conjure up the images of this for one reason: Of all the John Hughes' movies that I grew up watching (and watching and watching) this scene is the one I most identified with. Sure, I wanted to be Ducky from Pretty in Pink, or Bender from Breakfast Club, but it's the guys in this scene that best described my adolescent life.

R.I.P. John Hughes

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


We got a pizza from a place called Valentino's. Allegedly, it's New York style pizza. Very thin and flimsy. Good though. I liked it. We'll prolly get some more this weekend.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I love cereal. (I would die for you, Cereal.)

I woke up early enough this morning to eat a bowl of Coco-Krispies. Those little bastards have been calling my name ever since we brought them home from the food store.

I began reading a new book (as recommended by my good friend Elizabeth)...

I'm only a few chapters in and I have already been frightened and heartbroken. I am engrossed.

High praise for multi-grain spaghetti. Had some last night. (Thumb is up.) I use sauce from a jar, but add 1/2 pound of turkey meat and sprinkle some fennel seeds throughout.

I haven't told her yet, but when my wife randomly picks up the guitar and plays for a few minutes in the living room, I imagine this is what it sounds like when an angel visits.