Tuesday, March 30, 2010

You Didn't Get Mad

This is an anonymous response to the Republican "anger" over the new (much needed) healthcare situation in our country. I'm posting it because it kicks ass and I agree with every single word.

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate
energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.

You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all okay with you, but helping other Americans...oh hell no.

Monday, March 29, 2010

New Photoshop Made By Witches!

Seriously, watch this video about a new feature on Photoshop CS5 called "Content-Aware Fill." It's scary magic! And I want it!


One of my favorite directors, Jean-Pierre Jeunet (City of Lost Children, Amelie) has a new movie coming out!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

"Why We Should Ditch Religion."

(CNN) -- For the world to tackle truly important problems, people have to stop looking to religion to guide their moral compasses, the philosopher Sam Harris told CNN.

"We should be talking about real problems, like nuclear proliferation and genocide and poverty and the crisis in education," Harris said in a recent interview at the TED Conference in Long Beach, California. TED is a nonprofit group dedicated to "ideas worth spreading."

"These are issues which tremendous swings in human well-being depend on. And it's not at the center of our moral concern."

Religion causes people to fixate on issues of less moral importance, said Harris, a well-known secularist, philosopher and neuroscientist who is the author of the books "The End of Faith" and "Letter to a Christian Nation."

"Religion has convinced us that there's something else entirely other than concerns about suffering. There's concerns about what God wants, there's concerns about what's going to happen in the afterlife," he said.

"And, therefore, we talk about things like gay marriage as if it's the greatest problem of the 21st century. We even have a liberal president who ostensibly is against gay marriage because his faith tells him it's an abomination.

"It's completely insane."

Watch Harris' talk at the TED Conference

Harris also said people should not be afraid to declare that certain acts are right and others are wrong. A person who would spill battery acid on a girl for trying to learn to read, for instance, he said, is objectively wrong by scientific standards.

"It's not our job to not judge it and say, 'Well, to each his own. Everyone has to work out their own strategy for human fulfillment.' That's just not true," he said.

"There's people who are wrong about human fulfillment."

Harris placed no faith in the idea that Muslims and Christians will be able to put their differences aside and cooperate on global issues.

"There's no way to reconcile Islam with Christianity," he said. "This difference of opinion admits of compromise as much as a coin toss does."

Friday, March 26, 2010

Thursday, March 25, 2010


I should start using the word jugs more whenever I talk about breasts. If my calculations are correct, use of jugs in lieu of tits, knockers, or ta-ta's should elevate my personality from clever to endearing. I'm done with clever. I want people to know I truly appreciate great jugs. And not just in an ironic way either.

In other news, baseball season is right around the corner! Go Cubs!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

An Open Letter to Conservatives


"You're going to have to come up with a platform that isn't built on a foundation of cowardice: fear of people with colors, religions, cultures and sex lives that differ from your own; fear of reform in banking, health care, energy; fantasy fears of America being transformed into an Islamic nation..."


Don't get me started on how awesome this place would be if I controlled the universe.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Signs of Luck

Two things:

1. There was a huge bee in my Zipcar today. Huge. I freaked out. I'm surprised I kept the little Civic on the road. This thing was big like a brazilnut.

2. It rained hard today, but every time I had to get out of the car it would stop long enough for me to walk to where I needed to go.

Kayaking on Monday

Something is


But more on... in an off way, you know what I mean?

I overslept (if you count purposefully sleeping later for the hell of it oversleeping) and commuted to work in the light of day. All things pointed to glorious morning. But it's Monday. And nothing "special" happened to me over the weekend causing a significant change in the way I perceive the world. When my train crossed a tiny creek that empties into the Potomac the Sun glistening off the water was beautiful. It brought back my dream of someday kayaking. The weather was amazing over the weekend, but I don't usually get too hung up on meteorological things. Or do I? (Warmer weather = More leg.)

Maybe this is how a good day starts. Indicators. Signs.

Or maybe I should get more sleep at night.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

More KB!

These commercials have GOT to be selling a crapload of PS3s. They're hilarious!

Kevin Butler is Awesome!

Blind People Ski

How do you perceive your world?

And how do you expand it?

What is "the world"?

And can you do it on your own?

(These are the questions that sprouted in my head this morning when I saw a photo of a blind man skiing.)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Books are Dead (Books are not Dead)

Breaking Bad

I have a new favorite show on TV and it's called Breaking Bad on AMC. Here's the thing: It's been on TV for two years! None of my jerky friends told me about it! Come on! Season 3 starts this weekend!

Anyway, it blew me away. Here's the first scene of season 1... if you're not hooked after watching these first three minutes then you have no soul. Get out.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Sick as a ___________

Ain't been sick in years. And then, boom, twice in one month. Screw you, universe.

In the meantime, I have been watching AMC's Breaking Bad 'On Demand.' Except what I thought was episode one of the first season ended up being episode 5 of the second season. And here I thought the genius of the show was how it started out with all these questions, etc. Idiot. But now I'm sucked in... do I continue on, or go back to season 1? Problem: I can't get season 1 'On Demand' or on the PS3 Store or Xbox Live.

I'm going forward. Screw you, season 1. I don't need you.

Friday, March 12, 2010


I couldn't resist. The hype ate away at me and I broke down and bought Final Fantasy XIII. In the video game world, the Final Fantasy franchise is like Elvis. The latest installment came out on Tuesday and from what I have heard it's amazing. It has been made available for both the Xbox 360 and PS3, but I got the PS3 version because it's in Blu-Ray. You care.

Telephone ft. Beyonce

Now I know why I like Lady Gaga - it's her sense of humor. And style. This video is chuck full of various pop culture references and a few nods to past B movie institutions. I especially like the wink to MJ at 4:34.

I Love Space Shit!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I was Frank Whaley today!

This morning the train operator made an announcement that our train was going to be sitting at a station for an undetermined amount of time due to a "police situation" at station up ahead. Nearly everyone got off to find alternate ways to work. I stayed because I figured it'd be a great excuse for being late to work and I'm currently reading a great book called Killing Floor by Lee Child.

Two minutes later the train operator made another announcement that the "police situation" was resolved. The train doors closed and off we went. Me and the empty train. It was as if the train operator and I had some sort of agreement ("Empty this train and I promise not to defecate in-between the seats." "Deal.")

Next: Gotta figure out how to achieve free reign in an empty Target store. (Name that movie.)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Grand Slam Breakfast

I have spent almost three months reading books on my Kindle. Four books in. And I had a sudden realization today - I love the absence of book covers. Don't worry, I'm not going to turn this into an allegory for making judgments, etc. I simply find it refreshing that the story, the relationship between me and the author, is only the words. That's it. Discounting the little button I push to turn the page, I have only the text. No fancy cover with splashy colors and pictures of fanciful things. No thick, expensive, gold-trimmed paper. No marketing ploys. Just words. My love, words.

And so that got me thinking of something else I feel passionately about: Poetry. It has been nearly a decade since I have said this, but I am a poet. I write (wrote) poems. But something happened (is happening) in the world of "poetry" that has left a bad taste in my mouth. Poetry as you see it "performed" at so-called open-mic poetry readings, or "slams," ain't poetry. I used to go to these poetry readings. I organized a few in the mid-Nineties. And I discovered that the audience didn't show up to hear poems. They came for the act. The performance. Back then I had to write two styles of poems: Poems for the page, and poems to be performed at poetry readings. And the latter were meaningless and trite. My relationship with poetry grew further and further away from words and closer to the clownish interpretive dance you see at these poetry slams. Nowadays the mere thought of poetry readings makes me cringe. And that makes me sad. I think I'll go write a poem.

Corey Haim is Dead


by Michael Heffernan

Before I gave up wondering why everything
was a lot of nothing worth losing or getting back,
I took out a jar of olives, a bottle of capers,
a container of leftover tomato sauce with onions,
put a generous portion of each in olive oil
just hot enough but not too hot,
along with some minced garlic and a whole can of anchovies,
until the mixture smelled like a streetwalker's sweat,
then emptied it onto a half pound of penne, beautifully al dente,
under a heap of grated pecorino romano
in a wide bowl sprinkled with fresh chopped parsley.
If you had been there, I would have given you half,
and asked you whether its heavenly bitterness
made you remember anything you had once loved.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Thrift Store Paintings Transformed!

Apparently, there's a neat new thing going on out there where people are buying awful thrift store paintings and "enhancing" them. The above painting would go front and center in my home, I love it so!

Best Picture of the Year

Fine, I'll chime in.

The Hurt Locker was not the best picture of 2009. Neither was Avatar.

Of the ten films nominated by the Academy (for whatever that's worth), Inglorious Basterds was the superior film. Q got robbed.

Pew! Pew! **Video Game Update**

Greetings, fellow gamers. I finished Uncharted 2 (PS3) and it was amazing. A game that surely justifies the purchase of a Playstation 3. (In fact, the PS3 is kicking ass in this 2010 with some exclusive games, including one of the games I began playing...)

I started Heavy Rain (PS3) and Dragon Age: Origins (XBOX). Dragon Age quenches my old Dungeons and Dragons thirst from when I was just a lad. And Heavy Rain has been getting some remarkable reviews for its deeply cinematic gameplay.

Monday, March 8, 2010


Why my girl kicks ass - reason number 4,167:

She's a gamer! Here she is holding her brand new Xbox 360 purchased over the weekend.

First, know this: Lynette and I celebrate Spring a little differently than most. We stopped smoking in February and March and do not take that achievement lightly. I joked that it's more important than our anniversary. BTW, it's been four years.

Second, Lynette is the hardest working person I have ever met. And I'm pretty sure her boss knows it, too, which is how she has survived mergers and lay offs and blizzards and terrorist attacks while working for Sirius XM Satellite Radio. She's been there since day one and gets very little credit or fan fare for it. She regularly works 10+ hours per day. Sometimes I have to force her to treat herself to something nice and remind her that she deserves a reward every so often. This time she chose to buy her own Xbox 360. She was VERY excited.

Currently, Lynette is playing Viva Pinata and Fable II. Her gamertag is Accordiongirl.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Happy the Man

by Horace

Happy the man, and happy he alone,
He who can call today his own:
He who, secure within, can say,
Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.
Be fair or foul or rain or shine
The joys I have possessed, in spite or fate, are mine.
Not Heaven itself upon the past has power,
But what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Greatest Movie Scene Ever. Period.

Ear Infection

Guess what... I'm 8 again! I (might) have an ear infection! I haven't had to deal with this much pain since I was a young little JC. Respect to all the lil kids out there dealing with the ear pain because this shit hurts, dammit!

It's either that or the aliens probed my ear this week and weren't very gentle. Seriously, take it easy, aliens! Jeez.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

True Things

A true pancake breakfast should be had family style. Sitting among strangers on a long table. On benches made out of a tree cut in half length-wise. In Wisconsin.

A true music lover should have a difficult time choosing which is better: Doolittle or Surfer Rosa.

A true cup of coffee is the color of wet sand. Best enjoyed among the scent of wet pine needles rotting on the ground.

A true love loves. And makes me toast in the morning even though I didn't ask for toast.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Recent Discoveries

Cherry Coke Zero and Cheetos Puffcorn. They'll change your life.

PS3 users hit by bug which wipes trophies and PSN data

ELECTRONICS giant Sony has been forced to apologise after a major fault affected thousands of Playstation 3 owners today.

Gamers around the world reported problems with the Playstation Network online service on their PS3, which has left them unable to play games and in some cases deleted or damaged achievements and trophies saved on the machines.

It is thought the problem may be down to a problem with the internal clock or calendar in the machines, as it has manifested itself with the change of the month.

The fault, which only affects owners of the 'chunky' older PS3 models as opposed to the more recent 'slim' versions. Users report seeing an error message that reads: "8001050F – Hardware failure. Cannot update Firmware or connect to internet".

Afterwards it was found that they are unable to access or play games or content downloaded from the PlayStation Network, and find existing data has been damaged or wiped.

"We have narrowed down the issue and have engineers working to restore service," Sony admitted.

"We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you, and genuinely appreciate your patience while we work to resolve this."


You're saying it wrong!

Top 10 Mispronounced Foodie Words

  1. Bruschetta (broo-SKEH-tah)
  2. Gnocchi (NYOH-kee)
  3. Gyro (YEER-oh)
  4. Huitlacoche (wheet-lah-KOH-chay)
  5. Pouilly-Fuisse (poo-yee fwee-SAY)
  6. Mole (MOH-lay)
  7. Paczki (POONCH-key)
  8. Pho (fuh)
  9. Prosciutto (proh-SHOO-toe)
  10. Sake (SAH-kay)