Friday, October 31, 2008

Boo!

Happy Halloween! Git you some candy today. Git me some, too.

I was reading a blog this morning that said if Obama takes Virginia on Tuesday then he has won the election. If he takes North Carolina, it's a landslide. So, as a Virginian, I will be doing my part to turn this state blue, and hopefully put Obama in the White House.

I read an article in The Post this morning that motivated me even more than I was before. In short, the article profiled young Republicans who were setting out to campaign for McCain and stop "liberal activism."

Liberal activism? I thought, "What the hell does that mean?" As far as I can see, "liberals" are an tolerant group who fight for the equal rights of ALL people, UNCONDITIONALLY. Whereas the other side only supports you and believes in you if you're Christian/Straight/War loving. What ever happened to peace and loving thy neighbor? I am getting so freaking sick of the right-wing, conservative double standards.

And don't get me started on the fear-mongering. That may have won the election for Bush in 2004, but people have smartened up. The hang over from September 11th has worn off.

Recently, I was asked why I was a Democrat. My response was that since I was not racist, not homophobic, and not living in 1958, I really had no choice. Saying this to Republicans angers them, obviously. Which is sort of the point, but it is never sufficiently argued. Like most Republicans, the exchange becomes heated and angry. (Shoot first, right nut-bars?)

Look, Republicans, you had your chance. Two chances, actually. Eight years. It was all yours. I hope you enjoyed it. Because now it's time for a change. I'm sick of hiding. I'm sick of feeling ashamed. I'm sick of fear.

So, Tuesday... Election Day... A historic day in this country. Pardon my language, but if you don't vote then you, sir or madam, are a colossal asshole. It's time to stand up for what you believe in.

Unless you're a Republican, in which case you can just stay home and polish your guns or make fun of people or whatever it is you do in your free time.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Can Finally Get My MTV

I'm a child of the Eighties. I remember MTV. The real MTV. The MTV that showed music videos. Back in the Eighties, it was the only way to hear new music. And to actually see your favorite bands. I remember rushing home so I could see the new Van Halen video for Panama. (That prick Todd Scow was talking about it all day at school and I wanted to see it!) And then in high school I remember watching MTV all day in anticipation for Def Leppard's new video for Pour Some Sugar On Me.

Anyway, I can go on and on and on.

My point: On Tuesday, MTV launched a web site where they show ALL their videos. YouTube, be warned. Just type in the band and get a list of all their videos. Want to see Van Halen's Panama? Just type it in!

So, now I know what I'll be doing all day. Better cancel all my meetings.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

Farewell, Amy

Speaking of babies, Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live finally gave birth on Saturday night. I loved the fact that she was still doing the show while nine months pregnant. Unfortunately, she has stated that she will not return to the show.

Here's the hilarious bit she did a couple weeks ago while Sarah Palin was on the show:

Catherine's having a baby.

On Wednesday. Due to the results of some test, Catherine will be induced to give birth on Wednesday. So I guess that means we still have to go Baby Care Class tonight.

In other news, Lynette and I got invited to a Halloween Party this Friday and we have no costumes. I need to act fast or we're going to be that couple. I always hated the people who showed up for the Halloween party sans costume.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

It's Pretty Good

I started playing Fable 2 last night. It's a video game for those of you who refuse to be cool like me. It's really good. So far. If you're reading this and you also play video games, Fable 2 is worth a purchase.

In other news, I picked up the special 2-disk Blu-Ray of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull while I was at Best Buy last night. It was on sale for $25. So if you have a Blu-Ray player and think Indiana Jones can do no wrong, then get thee to a Best Buy.

BTW, Indiana Jones can do no wrong.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Monkey Rides a Segway

Monkeys? Segways? What could be better? I know! But amazingly, the monkey learns how to ride the Segway in this clip. Oh, and he's wearing people clothes. I like for all my monkeys to be wearing people clothes.

Bohemian Rhapsody

There I was, driving to work. 6:20 AM. It was still dark. Light traffic. And I suddenly got lost in a song. It was Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, except covered by The Flaming Lips. I highly recommend giving it a listen. Queen songs are difficult to cover and too many bands try when they shouldn't. But The Flaming Lips nailed it. Wonderful.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Monday

Welcome back to work, everybody.

I know you don't want to go to work, but that's a given and not really worth talking about. Instead, let's talk about the weekend, yes?

Did you see Saturday Night Live? Sarah Palin was on and she was actually pretty good. Obviously, the jokes are mostly at her expense, but she took the heat like a pro. It was a very good episode. Alec Baldwin mistaking the real Palin for Tina Fey was classic.

I spent most of my weekend playing video games. We went out with Max, Chris, and Ross on Friday after our weekly Pawn Pals meeting (aka drunken chess). We ordered a pizza with Catherine Saturday night. She's our republican, soon-to-be mother friend. Her and I argue about EVERYTHING.

On Sunday, I baked a chicken and made mashed potatoes. It was grand. In the morning, we went to the little coffeeshop down the boulevard. I ate an apple fritter. Lynette's latte was too hot.

We learned that a new Best Buy is opening a few blocks away, so that'll be a new, closer place to spend my money. Catherine told us it was open, but when we went there we learned that it wasn't.

So, how was your weekend?

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Time Traveller

Proof of time travel, or just a well-done film/hoax? You be the judge?

Christmas List Growing

Do I really have to explain it? How awesome is this! The backpack is pretty cool, too! HaaayOOooooooh!


But, seriously, folks, do not buy this for me lest you want me to end up beaten and left for dead in some back alley with pieces of plush Artoo shoved up my ass.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Chunk, Is That You?



Apparently, some dolts in Hollywood were pitching a movie called Goonies 2. Thankfully, it ain't gonna happen. A part of my childhood can remain sacred.

Which One Would You Pick?

Barack Obama or Lizard Man?


But seriously, WTF?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Christmas List Begins

This is a very clever trailer for a new video game called Fallout 3 that takes place in a post-apocalyptic Washington DC.


The marketing for this game has gone viral. Look at these photos of the inside of the Metro Center here in DC. I think I may go for a ride on the train just so I can see this.

Animals Save the Planet

A series of cute Aardman animations (Wallace and Gromit) promoting a green lifestyle from Animal Planet.

LINK

Upsidedown Dogs!

Need a chuckle? Click the link to the right.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Dear Cubs

I've been doing some thinking.

I think I'm going to become a White Sox fan. Aside from being extremely upset with you, it makes perfect sense. My dad is a White Sox fan. He grew up on the south side of Chicago. I was raised in a White Sox house. I feel compelled to return to my roots.

I became a Cubs fan (and baseball fan in general) in 1998 during the home run race between Sammy Sosa and Mark McGuire. My dad never said anything, but it must have disappointed him a little to see his youngest don Cubbie blue. And, coincidentally, all his sons became Cubs fans. I can wear Sox black with pride knowing I'd be making my dad proud.

Also, screw you Cubs. Maybe if enough of us jump ship you'll start to understand how much you've hurt us.

In the end, at least for now, I'll be wearing a Sox hat out of spite.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Comedy Takes Sacrifice

Sometimes true soldiers of comedy take one for the team. I salute you, Richard Avis. Godspeed.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Real Live Babies!

So last night we went on the official hospital tour with our pregnant friend Catherine. She's a soon-to-be single mother and we're helping. She lives right down the hall so it's only natural that we're the ones to step in.

Not having any children of my own (that I know of), this is a very interesting experience. In a way, we feel like we're getting some hands on experience that many parents aren't fortunate enough to get before they're shot from that proverbial cannon into the big, open sky of parenthood. We get to live vicariously through Catherine while she endures all the actual stress and pain of pregnancy and childbirth. But we get to watch! I'm being sarcastic, but we have been chosen to be in the room when she actually gives birth. So that'll be pretty cool and mostly terrifying. For me. Or not. I won't know until we're there. But being in the room last night made it all a bit more real.

And we got to see real live babies.

In a way, I feel like I'm cheating. I get to live through all this and not actually be a father. Last night, when the tour-lady kept addressing "the dads" she kept making eye contact with me. I felt like Ralphie in A Christmas Story in the scene where Ms. Shields was trying trying to find out who put Schwartz up to sticking his tongue to the flag pole. "Wasn't me," is what my face probably looked like as I looked around the room to the other, actual dads.

Next week, we're taking a baby care class. How they're going to fill three hours on the art of changing a poopy diaper is beyond me.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Monday, October 6, 2008

What Would Bullock Do?

God, I miss Deadwood.

We could really use Al Swearengen right about now. The times are aching for a smack in the mouth.

Have you heard?

I thought everyone had heard.

Losing My Religion; Or, Goodbye Chicago

Something happened this weekend. Something meaningful. Though, not cheerful. I can best describe my emotions with one word: Sobering.

What I'm feeling is somewhat euphoric, but at the same time solemn. It's that same feeling one gets after the end of a long, torrid relationship. When one person makes the decision to end what can best be described as a series of disappointments, regardless of a few moments of joy sprinkled throughout. Eventually, the love affair must end. Eventually, you have to ask yourself, "How many times am I going to allow him/her to let me down?" "How long will I continue devoting so much of myself to this relationship with little or nothing in return?"

I am speaking about the Chicago Cubs. The best team in the National League this year. Swept by the Dodgers as if they were some crappy Wild Card team lucky to even be in the playoffs. My anger and shame go beyond words, so I will not sit here and make you read some sad tirade about why the Cubs suck, etc.

Instead, I will tell you that I am embarrassed to wear my Cubs hat. I can't do it. I can't walk around in public with that thing on my head.

You see, there is only so much abuse one can take from something he loves. Eventually, you have to step back and ask yourself, "What am I getting out this?" I have stood by my losing team loss after loss, but this one feels different. This one cuts deeper. This one is making me question my relationship with baseball in general.

Mentally, I'm tired. The season is long. And I don't know if I can do it again. I can't go all season knowing the Cubs are the best team in baseball only to lose it so quickly in the postseason.

Poof. Gone. Like it never existed.

Right now that's me. Poof. Gone.

If I had to decide right now whether or not to continue my thankless relationship with baseball I'd say so long. If I had to decide RIGHT NOW - I'm out. I'm done.

If this were a relationship with a woman, I would've dumped her ass a long time ago.

So... What does the future hold? Well, I guess we'll see. Maybe the Cubs and I will bump into each other somewhere down the road. Maybe not. Can't say. And honestly, I don't really care.

Moving forward... I think I'll go watch some football. (Bears won yesterday.)

Friday, October 3, 2008

Johnny Rotten's Butter!

Johnny Rotten is schlepping for butter. These are truly dark days.



"It's not about Great Britain, it's about great butter!" And that, children, is how we won the Revolutionary War.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Dear God

Let's be honest - We both know I don't really believe in you. (Heck, I got more proof of the existence of Santa Claus, but I digress.) But there are times in my life when I think What If? Actually, it's not What If, but rather Just In Case. And as an open-minded, intelligent person, I have much respect for all the religions of the world. I would never belittle any of them. Though I don't subscribe to their faerie tale creation stories and magical wizard-like powers that some of the main characters supposedly had, I do find that there is a strong, powerful energy surrounding the people who truly devote all their faith to it. Regardless of my beliefs, that power cannot be denied.

Now, this energy, this power I speak of, THAT is real. And THAT is what I hold in deep regard. Granted, for some, it takes the man-made stories of religion to bring it out, but I am a firm believer in this energy. It is an energy that existed in our universe long before simple humans climbed out of the murk. And this energy we all hold, I believe it controls every facet of our daily lives. The way in which we harness this energy, or the way we use it, positively or negatively, defines the outcome of everything we do. (BTW, this is why I believe "prayer" works... sometimes.)

Anyway, God, back to my point: I need to ask you for a favor. The Chicago Cubs are playing baseball tonight. (I'm sure you already knew that considering baseball is the second best gift handed down by one of your angels.) And, well, I'm NOT going to ask you to help them win. No. But what I do ask is if they lose, please let it be because the other team was better. If they lose, don't let it be because of some flukey, strange event that miraculously occurs. No black cats. No Steve Bartmans. No earthquakes. No meteorites. Just let them play baseball. And if the other team wins because they're truly better, I'll be ok with that.

You see, I'm a bit nervous this year. I'm nervous because they actually have a chance to go all the way. When it comes to baseball, I am superstitious. And when it comes to the Cubs, I prefer not to talk about them. But there's no use hiding anymore. They have a good chance of going all the way. But only if YOU prevent the unexpected from happening.

So please, God, please let them play normal, traditional baseball. Like I said, I have no problem with losing (heck, we're used to it), but don't let it be because a piece of the International Space Station accidentally broke off and fell to Earth landing on Wrigley Field. Please.

Sincerely,
Jason

P.S. Eamus Catuli!