Tuesday, March 25, 2008

What Really Grinds My Gears

I drink coffee. Daily. I even brew my own pot of coffee in the morning and bring a Thermos full of it to work with me. But occasionally, I will take a short walk down the block to get a cup of coffee at the local Starbuck's or Caribou.

I like to put cream and sugar in my coffee. I don't have specific numbers, but I reckon there are many of us out there who add cream and sugar to our coffee.

The next time you're in a coffee shop, take a look around. Find the area where people can add cream and sugar to their coffee... Pretty freakin' small, ain't it. My bedside table has more surface area than these "counters" where I can set down my tall coffee and pour in cream and sugar. And 9 out of 10 times there is someone standing at this "counter" adjusting the taste of their coffee via cream and sugar. So then I must wait.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind waiting my turn for things. The breakdown of lines (or queues, for my fancy English readers) can only lead to anarchy. No, waiting is not a problem for me.

And the tiny doll house table I have to use to add cream and sugar doesn't really bother me that much either. No, my real problem is the jackass who is standing at the cream and sugar table. Next time in a coffee shop, observe the behavior of this oblivious, miserable sap. This is the guy I must stand behind and wait for as he does this:

He adds cream, he adds sugar, he gently sips... he adds a little more cream, a little more sugar, he gently sips again... nope, still not right - he adds more cream, he adds more sugar, he gently sips... now his face looks like that of a wine taster. Minutes pass... my core body temperature rises... he sips, he adds... he sips again, over and over, as if he sculpting the perfect cup of coffee.

If I were in charge of the cream and sugar table, you add cream and add sugar and then you're done. You move on. You get what you get. That's life. Learn from your mistakes so that tomorrow you'll know to add slightly more sugar. None of this sipping and tasting and judging and contemplating your Tuesday morning cup of coffee that you probably won't finish anyway, while busy people wait behind you. No, sir.

And now that I think of it, if you don't know how much cream and sugar to add to your coffee by now then you have no business drinking coffee. Go back to your Diet Cokes and Mocha Frappuccinos. ("Mmmm, it's like a chocolate shake!")


Lynette said...

Hahahahahahaha! From like the 5th paragraph on - i was laughing out loud!

For the record, your homemade coffee is tops! I love it.

Lynette said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ezabeta said...

I read this blog a few days ago, and thought "so true, so true".... Then yesterday, as I stood next to the tiny condiment bar with a rag in my hand to wipe off many insensitive coffee drinkers sugar and cream droppings (I swear more sugar goes onto the counter than into coffees), I got my own taste of what you write. The gentleman standing there put a sugar in, stirred. Then took a sip. Grabbed a creamer carafe (skim) and put a dollop into his coffee. Stir. Taste. One more sugar, stir. Taste. Creamer carafe, half and half this time, dollop and stir. Taste. Then replaced his lid and walked away, leaving in his wake the sugar package oozing the few remaining granules and of course, some creamer streaks on the counter. I would say I stood there with a dripping wet rag in my hand for about two minutes.