The Norton Project

How two sons gave their father a Christmas he'll never forget.


The Norton Project from Jamtron on Vimeo.

Alex Ovechkin is the best hockey player because...

If you can't see why he is better than Sidney Crosby then you aren't a hockey fan.

Days Off

I've been home all week on vacation.  When asked if I was getting a lot done around the house I said no.  I have been watching TV and playing video games.  This is exactly what I envisioned when I decided to take the week after Christmas off.  I feel no amount of guilt for not "doing things around the house."  Also, I've been wearing the same pair of sweat pants and flannel shirt all week, too.

For the record, I drove a approximate total of 2,000 miles during Christmas this year.  It's not like I didn't earn this week of slothfulness.

Yes, I've been showering.  And going to the gym.

The Beauty of Pixar

After spending 11 days re-watching all 11 Pixar feature films, Leandro Braga took 500 hand-selected scenes and made an amazing tribute to the best animation studio on the planet.

The Beauty of Pixar from Leandro Copperfield on Vimeo.

How to cook

JC Sez:

1.  Never start cooking with a cold pan.

2.  Always let meat rest after cooking it.

3.  Your knife is the most valuable tool in your kitchen.

4.  If you know how to read you know how to cook.

5.  Low and slow wins the race and gets you laid.

Is it Christmas yeti?

Due to a recent, sudden "adventure" with bronchitis I was not able to send out Christmas cards this year.  Our Christmas card this year would have included this photograph.

Friends and lovers, Merry Christmas!

Raining Teddy Bears!

The Calgary Hitmen, a minor league hockey team, have an awesome way to collect teddy bears for charity. Fans throw their support onto the ice after the first goal is scored at their annual Teddy Bear Toss. Over 23,000 bears were collected this year.

"It's good, it's good."

IRONIC POST

"Blogging has Peaked"

By Hamilton Nolan (Valleywag)

The internet is so popular these days! A big new survey shows that people of all ages are emailing, searching, shopping, banking, and browsing news and information online more than ever. What they aren't doing more is blogging.
In other words, the internet is becoming more and more populated by normal people and less and less by nerds! This may soothe or alarm you, depending on which category you fall into. Christ, 16% of internet users age 74 and over are on Facebook (or possibly Friendster). Every normal act of searching and communicating on the internet has become mainstream. Searching for health information is the third-most popular online activity for everyone, even 18 year-olds. The internet is no longer a cool place for nerds: it's a boring place for all of us, where we check our bank balance and secretly research what that rash might be, all while trying to avoid running into grandma on Myspace. Keeping your diary on LiveJournal now just seems like a waste of time.

Only half as many online teens work on their own blog as did in 2006, and Millennial generation adults ages 18-33 have also seen a modest decline-a development that may be related to the quickly-growing popularity of social network sites. At the same time, however, blogging's popularity increased among most older generations, and as a result the rate of blogging for all online adults rose slightly overall from 11% in late 2008 to 14% in 2010. Yet while the act formally known as blogging seems to have peaked, internet users are doing blog-like things in other online spaces as they post updates about their lives, musings about the world, jokes, and links on social networking sites and micro-blogging sites such as Twitter.

That's right: blogging is an old person thing now. Have you ever seen Jeff Jarvis? There's your prototypical blogger. This was inevitable. Full sentences are an awful waste of characters.

Presents!

Last day of work before Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Cameron Station shuttle bus!

Merry Christmas, Blue Line Metro train!

Merry Christmas, McPherson Square!

Merry Christmas, security guard who talks like a medieval knight.

Merry Christmas, unusually cold Washington DC!

Walking Beside a Creek

By Ted Kooser

Walking beside a creek
in December, the black ice
windy with leaves,
you can feel the great joy
of the trees, their coats
thrown open like drunken men,
the lifeblood thudding
in their tight, wet boots.

From The Writer's Almanac 12.16.10

Hardly

Change your first name to an adverb.  Go!

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy REDUX

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy with Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly from Will Ferrell

You love pirates!

Um, why didn't anyone tell me Ian McShane was in this?  Now I actually, really, truly want to see it.  

Yuppie Dickens

It's been a hectic few weeks leading up to Christmas and our (seemingly) bi-annual trek to northern Illinois, yet Lynette and I manged to fulfill some holiday jubilation on Saturday when we went shopping in Arlington.  After parking the car and walking out into the frigid night air we encountered Santa Claus, elves, ice sculptures, weirdos dressed as Christmas trees scaring children, and an old timey group of carolers standing outside the Apple Store.  The halls were decked at Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel. The sparkly lights glistened from the roof tops of The Cheesecake Factory and The Container Store.  Not a creature was stirring all through the Barnes and Noble. 

Actually, there were a lot of creatures stirring at Barnes and Noble, jockeying for position in front of the desk calendars and bargain book bins, or as I like to call it, the books your nephew won't read bin. The holiday shoppers were out in force.  I like it.  I enjoy the hustle bustle of Christmas shopping, but I was able to resist the $30 pack of hot chocolate mix from Williams Sonoma.   

Metrodome Roof Collapse

Did you see this yesterday?  S'like watchin' a 'splosion.

Ever read Orwell?

Welcome to the United States of WTF.

Music Appreciation: The Joy Formidable

Music Appreciation: Crystal Castles featuring Robert Smith

"This song is going to make the f'ing planets align."  This song is brilliant.  Pure joy.

The National Christmas Tree 2010

From last night's episode of 30 Rock: "Only terrorists say 'Happy Holidays."

Bacon Rules!

I suddenly like Kevin A LOT more now after seeing these commercials.  Hilarious.

Vader's Gaucamole

Regarding the person I made, he/she is allegedly the size of an avocado now, floating around inside Lynette's body.  They float around in there, right?  Like astronauts in outer space.  Since my homemade person was merely the size of an olive a few weeks ago he/she is probably realizing that real estate in my wife is dwindling.  I reckon it must feel like being trapped in a trash compactor with a Wookie after escaping from Stormtroopers.  Yeah, I'm probably right.

Thanks, Howard

Love him or hate him I would like to publicly thank Mr. Stern for agreeing to stay at Sirius XM for another five years.  Considering Howard and my wife both work for the same company his decision to stay has bolstered even more confidence in satellite radio whose stock price is in need of stimulation.  And considering that Lynette and I are pretty much depending on the stock to rise, his decision to stay indirectly affects my efforts to raise my future son/daughter.

Anyway, I like him. I have my reasons, but this isn't a post about the merits of Howard Stern or why people don't like him.  He doesn't need me to defend him.    

Mom and Stan

My mom and the Stanley Cup for some reason.

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D&D

Watch this  strangely compelling game of Dungeons and Dragons being played live in front of an audience.  With Wil Weaton.

My Unicorn Collection

I like the cold until I don't like it anymore.  This recent spell of frigid weather has me dreaming (nightmaring) of walking to school as a young child in -20 degree wind chill temperatures.  You haven't lived until you feel that burning sensation on your face after walking indoors from an arctic stroll in northern Illinois.

Here's what's interesting:  We never complained.  The icy air and numb fingers and slick roads were so much a part of our lives that we didn't know we had the option of complaining.

Imagine going through life without the option of complaining.  I'm not talking about repressing the urge to complain - I mean imagine the non-existence of complaining.  

I'm going to try to revert to younger days when complaining about situations yielded no results. An impossible feat methinks, but an interesting effort it shall be. 

Exerpts from the 2010 Bad Sex in Fiction Finalists

Mr. Peanut by Adam Ross
"He jumped out from his pajama pants so acrobatically it was like a stunt from Cirque du Soleil."

Heartbreak by Craig Raine
"The two dints at the base of her back above her behind. What did they mean? They seemed enigmatic, strange, profound to Steph."

Freedom by Jonathan Franzen
"To discover, now, that sex had been fully registering in her as language — as words that she could speak out loud — made her much realer to him as a person. The two of them could no longer pretend that they were just mute youthful animals mindlessly doing their thing. Words make everything less safe, words had no limits, words made their own world."

The Golden Mean by Annabel Lyon
"I want to tell her she's making a meal out of a cracker and we could be finished in a minute if she put her mind to it, but she can surely see that."

Maya by Alastair Campbell
"... then she was pulling me towards her, directing me to everything I had ever hoped for. I thought the walls were going to fall down as we stroked and screamed our way through hours of pleasure to the union for which my whole life had been a preparation."

The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas
" 'Magnifique.' His eyes wandered over her whole body. He repeated the word, his voice dazed, almost breaking from his desire."

A Life Apart by Neel Mukherjee
"There seems to be a restless animal in his devouring eyes. Ritwik finds his exaggerated porn-speak so ridiculous that he has to make an effort to subdue the laughter bubbling up from inside, it's in his throat now, it has to be pushed down down, no he can't let it come out, can't come out ...

And the award goes to: LINK

And now...

I would like to formally introduce you to my future son/daughter. He/she will be trained in all ways Lego and Star Wars. He/she will be heir to my vast kingdom and paltry comic book collection. He/she will follow in his/her father's footsteps and dutifully cheer on the Chicago Bears.

Lynette and I began clearing out our second bedroom to make room for him/her. A larger storage unit was rented and Operation: Baby Room has begun.

Respect via Washington Post 12/4/10

RIP Ronnie

Ron Santo is dead.  Long live Ron Santo.

Listening to the Cubs on the radio will never be the same.  This is a HUGE loss for the Cubs and all Cub fans everywhere.

The biggest Cub fan that ever was.

Angry Birds Christmas

Just when things started to slow down and get normal my iPhone decides to update and BOOM a Christmas themed Angry Birds!  Honestly, if you haven't played Angry Birds on your smartphone you are missing out on some primo time wasting.

Angry Birds is like a time machine.  I open it up to play for a few minutes and three and half hours goes by just like that. But don't take my word for it.  Try it out.  It's only a dollar for cryin' out loud.  I spend more on a drink from Starbucks that's never really made right.

 

Music Appreciation: Shabazz Palaces

Blastit... by subpop

Molehill

I found a fairly large screw on the floor of my cubicle and spent nearly ten minutes trying to locate its home.  Conclusion: It doesn't belong here, this large screw.  Or, one wrong move and these walls come crashing down.

But seriously, where the heck does this large screw belong.  It's not the type of screw one can ignore without thinking a disaster is just waiting to happen without it.

So here it sits on my desk, a reminder that at any moment... Wait!  I think I found where it goes!

Nope.  I'll just have to go through my day wondering when or if this cube falters and tumbles to the floor taking my seemingly comfortable environment with it. Or not.

I also put a lot of faith in those grates on the sidewalk.  I could take the extra time to walk around them, but if I start doing that then how long will it take before I start wearing tin foil hats? I step on those grates with complete faith.

This large screw shall sit here on my desk and be my reminder not to worry about the small things in life.