Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Kinky Koffee

The cream in my thermos of coffee decided it doesn't want to meld into/mix into/merge into what I typically drink every morning, that being a brown-colored concoction sweetened with sugar.  Instead the coffee is still black with millions of floating particles that I assume was the cream.  I'm drinking it anyway.  I'll probably be sitting on the toilet later.  But I have to have my coffee.  And Starbucks coffee is awful, which sucks because there's four of them in every direction in a one-block radius from where I'm currently sitting.

Why does the coffee at Starbucks Coffee suck?  Am I the only person to ponder that question?  Or, am I the only person who walks in asking for a simple cup of coffee?  Are the barristas even trained to pour a simple cup of coffee?  "Are you sure you don't want whip cream or caramel goo squirted in that coffee?"

I'm going to open a coffee shop.  And the only way to get a cup of coffee is to belly up to the counter and sit on one of those circular, spinny stools.  And the coffee will be served in an actual coffee cup on a saucer.  And we only serve coffee.  Black.  The ball's in your court when it comes to adding cream and sugar.  No muffins, no tea, no juice, no anything other than a cup of coffee.  But there will be free wifi and ample electrical outlets to plug your laptops into.  And the waitresses will be topless - only women with symmetrical areolas will be hired.  Just checking to see if you were paying attention... there won't be any tits.  But you might see an attractive person hanging out writing a script for a play that might make it to an off-Broadway production someday.  And maybe that person is into the same sexual deviancies you are.  Only one way to find out... come on down to my yet to opened coffee shop.  I think I'll call it Jason's Coffee Shop.

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