Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Kal-El Carlock

I made a promise to myself this year to be a better man.  Not because I've been a bad man, not because I've done anything wrong, and not because I haven't been true to myself, but rather because I can act like such a selfish jerk sometimes.  For example, over the weekend Lynette and I went crib shopping and I wasn't the best shopping partner for her.  I was impatient and annoyed.  Shopping for a crib should be an exciting moment in new parents' lives and I got caught up in the common annoyances of crowded parking lots and crowded stores. 

Sometimes my anxiety turns me into a person I do not like.  I try everyday to pull myself away from falling into the meaningless pit of being annoyed or impatient at occurrences in the world that are beyond my control.  I have a problem with casting judgment on people for shallow reasons.

It has been almost a year since Lynette and I started going to church and it has helped me tremendously to see "the bigger picture."  Not necessarily that God is in control of everything (which he prolly is), but rather that people are not bad by default, nor do they intend or set out to cause me pain.

I have a son coming.  I'm going to be a dad.  I'm going to be the strongest person in the house and with that comes great responsibility.  I'm going to be Superman.  But the truth is I should already be Superman. 

I'm in the process of waking up mentally, physically, and spiritually.  It's time I pull myself together and start being a real man of the house.  It's time I get back into physical shape. It's time I get back to writing poetry.  It's time I get back to searching for God in my world.   

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