Remember that lady I was talking about who erected a full-sized Christmas tree at work in her cubicle? At first, I was upset because it dethroned me as the quirkiest coworker in the office. But I'm witnessing a problem, or disadvantage, of being the person who set up a Christmas tree in her cubicle: No one knows her name... and so we've all began to refer to her as Christmas Tree. "Hey, where are those TPS Reports that were supposed to get faxed last week?" "Christmas Tree was supposed to do it."
Meanwhile, it's official: I work in an office where someone has defecated on the floor. The 3rd floor was all aflutter yesterday as we collectively heard the news from several witnesses that POO was found on the floor in the kitchen. Human poo, according to one of the nurses I work with. Because we love assigning nicknames to people, we've decided to call this person The Doo Doo Bandit. And I made sure everyone knew they were all suspects.
Seriously though, someone shit in our kitchen. Maybe Christmas Tree did it.