I started a project six months ago. The idea is seemingly simple: Find God everyday. Somehow. And then write it down.
There's a phrase I keep coming back to that I learned as a young poet in college: "God is in the details." It occurred to me that God doesn't just show up for the grand finale; He doesn't just linger in the rafters of a fancy church; and, He doesn't just show up during happy times. As I have been told, He is everywhere. He's in all the cliches like sunsets and baby farts, but He is also in the intricacies of a single leaf on a tree, and He is in the bad news we receive on a late night telephone call.
At first, this project was easy. I was enthusiastic and God seemed to be dripping from every surface. But I have learned that there are days when I can't find Him. There are days that feel like He ain't there, or that I'm not qualified to see Him. Of course the mere fact that my circulatory system manages to keep functioning is a miracle in itself, but I can't just write "circulatory system" every time I fail to find God.
(Honestly though, the fact that our bodies continue to power itself and produce energy is absolutely fucking amazing!)
So, what to do when I can't find God? Keep looking. Not seeing Him is my fault, not His. And there's meaning behind it. There's meaning behind everything.