Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love Science

Today is Valentine's Day, dummy.  Sorry for the name calling, but if you think you can get through this day without buying something for your lover I got news for you - you're wrong.

"But, Jason, she told me she doesn't want anything."

Yeah, I know, all the "cool," "with it" chicks have that same front: Valentine's Day is below me, Valentine's Day is a greeting card holiday, Valentine's Day is for morons.  Guess what, she still wants flowers.

"But, Jason, she told me flowers are silly because they die."

I don't care what she said.  She still wants them.  And she wants to get them at work.  (Note: Women secretly hate each other and will grab any opportunity to belittle their fellow female competitors.  Your contribution is greatly appreciated.)

I know y'all think you're smarter than the average citizen and that you're too cool for school, but some things never change.  In my time on this planet as a cock wielding student of the ladies, certain truths remain constant:

  1. Women want a big wedding, preferably with a Def Leppard cover band as the wedding band.
  2. Women want to have seven babies.
  3. Women yearn for frequent requests from their husbands for alternative sex acts.
  4. Women want god dammed flowers on Valentine's Day.
I've got more Constant Truth of the Ladies, but I'll save them for a different post.  Look, it's not difficult.  Open your eyes and grab your wallet.  Flowers.  Even the cheap ass flowers wrapped in crinkly plastic from the grocery store will work.

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