I just bought a plane ticket to Minneapolis. Then realized I haven't flown in years. Years! From what I understand, there's x-ray machines now that allow the TSA to view my naked penis, and tiny government-sanctioned nano robots that enter my body by burrowing under my eyelids. Because, hey, any one of us could be a Mexican drug mule. Or worse, a terrorist finally exacting his revenge on Minneapolis.
Great. I used the T-word. I just sent several red flags up at some secret basement email surveillance center and now when I try to check in at the airport next month I'll be "randomly" selected to have my rectum scraped for unpatriotic, anti-American cargo. My ass is always up to no good.
But seriously, are they gonna see me naked? Because I'm a grower, not a shower!