Babies and Deaf People

Remember those old phone commercials that used to make you cry? Well, here's Apple's new iPhone 4 commercial featuring the fancy new FaceTime feature. Genius marketing.

Rango

Love my baby

Art

From Dallas Clayton's incredible blog (see my blogroll):

SUCCESS

Thousands of years of art history
and the safe money
is still on a picture of a naked girl.

New Addition to the blogroll!

(The Customer is) Not Always Right

LINK

Funny quotes from the oftentimes hilarious world of customer service.

Things I Learned Recently

• There is a no sex rule on the International Space Station.
• There is a TURKEY bologna and it tastes like an angel's bologna.
• You can't trust people who don't trust people.
• The iPhone 4 has a flaw and yet it's still the most exciting piece of technology I have owned.
• Bake a cake and impress the fuck out of people.
  
• As daunting as it may seem, urine and sour cream can be cleaned off the floor lickity-split.
• I'm afraid to admit to people that I might be a Christian, but I'm also afraid of roller coasters, insects, and swimming in the ocean, so...
• Stephen Strasburg helped me conquer my fear of red baseball caps (the Nats home cap looked too much like a Cardinals hat).
• Steve Carell is leaving The Office.
• According to a new study by Penn State University, the best sex lasts only 7 to 13 minutes.
  
• Talking shit about your boss publicly is the stuff of morons.
• Soccer is sooooooooooooooo-buuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-ooooooooooo BORING.

Pogue's Review of iPhone 4

David Pogue is the technology critic at the New York Times and his opinion is one of the most valuable to me (aside from Mossberg at WSJ). He's also very funny. Here is a short video he made that coincided with his review of the iPhone 4: LINK

Click here to read his review: LINK

iPhone 11

So, Lynette spent our 11th anniversary in a mall. Want to guess why? Yes, I got the iPhone 4, BUT a great day was had by all. Seriously. I stood in a line for one and a half hours while Lynette shopped for jeans. Win - win.


Also, we made a VERY exciting trip to Zales. Lynette can tell you all about it on her blog later.

Regarding the iPhone 4, it is wonderful. Having been a iPhone 3G owner previously, the iPhone 4 is all kinds of better. Plus, I got the 32GB so it now doubles as my main iPod. I now carry my ENTIRE music collection on my phone. And it has a 5 megapixel camera with flash and an HD video camera. That means it has also taken the place of my point and shoot digital camera AND our HD Flip camera. If there's one thing I always have on me it's my phone... so when I see Bigfoot next I will have no excuse for not getting a video or picture.

This baby kicks ass. It's everything a smart phone should be and the reason why all those other phone companies are trying to be the iPhone. Nicely done, Apple.

PS: At first, I was not able to replicate the reception issues (aka holding the phone with my left hand), but then last night while I was sitting on the toilet I think I may have experienced it. I pressed my hand at the point where the two antennas meet thereby completing some sort of antenna circuit and the bars went down. However, I never lost the signal. But then this morning while sitting here at work I cannot replicate the problem. I've had my hand pressed on the spot for a long time now and nothing. There is a rumor circulating on the internet that Apple is developing a software update to fix it, but all mention of this rumored update has been removed from all the Apple web site forums. In other words, if Apple decides to fix this problem, they will never say so.

Nevermind

USA lost... soccer sucks again.

There's this sport called soccer...

A collection of reaction shots to the incredible last minute goal by USA on Wednesday:

Good Will Hunting Predicted the Future!

Truer words have never been spoken. Go Matt Damon!

Grande!

You're unique and different

just like everyone else.

Now shut up and take me to Starbucks.

Star Trek Tic Tok

President ______________

Let's use our imaginations for a minute.

Imagine you're writing a story or a book or a tv show or whatever and you've got the President of the United States in your story. What's his/her name? What would YOU name your fictional president?

The book I'm reading right now is set a few years into the future and it has a President Hughes in it. And we know The West Wing had President Bartlett. What are some other fictional president names?

What was the president's name in Air Force One? Or Superman 2?

More Zach!

I really, really, really hope this guy gets a show. We need him on our televisions.

Price Wars! Pew! Pew! Pew!

As soon as Barnes and Noble lowered the price of the Nook to $199 yesterday, Amazon lowered the price of the Kindle to $189 today. If you've been on the fence regarding this device now is the time to pull the trigger. As an owner of one of these babies I can tell you I absolutely love it. The books are cheap, I don't have to order anything and wait for the mail or drive to a store that may or may not have what I'm looking for, and I don't have to lug around large tomes. And I love instant gratification (books are purchased and ready to read in less than 60 seconds).

And to make things even more interesting, Barnes and Noble released a wifi-only version of the Nook for $149! Keep in mind with this version you must be within range of a wifi signal to download books, whereas the other versions offer free 3G coverage and you can download books wherever the heck you may be.

But if you're looking for books to decorate your shelves with then this ain't the contraption for you, brother. (Breaking MC's balls.)


Also, if you're seen with a Kindle, girls will want to date you.

Six Ways to Simplify Your LIfe

LINK

Stuff No One Told Me

From the blog Stuff No One Told Me: LINK

Woody!

Saw it. It was AWESOME! Seriously, so awesome. All those kids in the theater prolly wished they existed when the first two came out. In your face, Children! BOOYAH!

Anyway, it was really, very good. I recommend it. For all ages. BTW, Amazon is having a sale: Toy Story and Toy Story 2 BLU-RAY for $30 TOTAL. LINK

UPDATE: The sale is now up to $39.

UPDATE #2: I should mention this iteration of the Toy Story franchise is a bit more intense than the other two. Especially towards the end - no spoiler - things get "heavy." It seems to be the recent trend for Pixar movies though (ie. Up and Wall-E).

Children of Light

If you had to describe what it means to be tenderhearted, what words would you use? How do we teach tenderheartedness. What benefits come from being tenderhearted?

"We're on a mission from God."

I'm going to say something. You may or may not agree with what I am about to say. But it doesn't matter. Because I know the truth. And that truth is The Blues Brothers was the greatest movie ever made. And if you don't think so then you're total moron who shouldn't be allowed to watch movies. Moron.

Happy 30th anniversary, Blues Brothers.

Just kidding about the moron thing. Unless you are a moron. And in that case, you can prolly get that fixed.

BY THE WAY, the Vatican (you know, where the POPE lives) has just declared The Blues Brothers a Catholic Classic. Boom. Don't believe me? Here's a link for your doubting ass.

Music Appreciation: Record Club

Record Club: INXS "Never Tear Us Apart" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

Record Club is Beck Hanson. Right now he's doing all the songs from INXS Kick. LINK

Portal 2

The first Portal was amazing and hardly anyone knew it existed because it was part of The Orange Box, which contained five games including half Life 2 and Team Fortress. But Portal was the stand out, sleeper hit due to its incredible originality. I never finished Portal because it got too hard for me, but I think I'll give Portal 2 a whirl.

No Bad Day

Bullet point!

• Trying to realize that this morning is merely a fraction of a sliver of a speck of time.

Good things so far today:

1. Good article in the Post about Swedish authors.
2. Dude gave me extra egg on my sausage and egg sandwich.
3. Tomorrow is my day off.

Horny

Jiji says, "We'll get rid of the vevuzala horns when you get rid of cheerleaders."

Closing mouth now. Commence tooting.

My New Hero

Zach auditioned to create a new show via an Oprah contest and it looks like he has blown up. Here's the audition tape: LINK Zach has cerebral palsy and proposes a travel show for people who never thought they could travel due to whatever obstacles may lie in their way. Aside from the audition tape being hilarious, this is a genius idea!

Butler Frogs and Red Candy

This is going to be a glorious week! Can't you feel it? It's like free Skittles or talking animals - both an equally exciting premise.

Also, petit fours.

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Can't... stop... jizzing... in my pants...

Venn!

Love Me.

Do you think it's true that people just want to be loved? When we look around we see it everywhere - people doing things or saying things with the underlying motive of seeking some sort of love. But how often do we evaluate our own actions for this behavior? What do you do or say to further the amount of love you receive?

Or, Do you want to be loved? Maybe we need to DO MORE to get more love. Like they say, You get what you give, yeah?

Imagine if love was currency... That our worth was based on how much people loved us.

Forgiveness would be like pennies!

Overheard on a Sidewalk in Brooklyn

1. Hipster #1: Yeah, we're calling the concert 'Yuppicide,' get it?
2. Hipster #2: Dude, that's awesome. Fuck those assholes.
3. Hipster #1: Shit, what time is it?
4. Hipster #2: I don't know. 1:30 or some shit? Why?
5. Hipster #1: I gotta meet my girl at the park and told her I'd grab her a Frappuccino from Starbucks first.

From The Desonesto Doctrine

Allure

Here's something: Ever since I started going (back) to church I've been having dreams. Vivid dreams. I'm not a dreamer (in the literal sense) and this surprises me a bit. Of course, I'm not saying that my decision to follow Jesus is a direct cause of my recent dreamings. But I'm also not saying that it isn't. And that's the allure. It's the poetry of not knowing. Sort of like beauty. We don't know why - we just know.

More alluring things - -

• The sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich I eat occasionally from the deli downstairs.
• My wife in a white tank top.
• Kung Fu Panda in 1080p
• Stephen Strasburg.
• Fresh pasta.
• The great idea written in a notebook.
  

PS4?

Update: The commercials are real, but they're not for the PS4. Most likely, they're for the upcoming Playstation Move which is going to be incorporated into the PS3. Either that or some sort of 3D capability for the PS3. Apparently, some wise-acre slapped a PS4 logo on the end and made millions of gamers jizz in their pants. Tee hee.

Clarke and Dawe explain the US Oil Spill

"Perhaps best known for their sketch “The Front Fell Off,” John Clarke and Bryan Dawe have also tackled the mortgage crisis. Here they offer a lucid explanation of the Gulf oil spill tragedy."

From Neatorama

Strasburg is Real

DC finally has a superstar. Stephen Strasburg surpassed the hype last night with 14 strikeouts (a new major league record for a debut). I am looking forward to the future. Go Nats!

En Cueros

This morning there was a large number of people waiting for the morning metro train. Not usual. I got on the train when it arrived and had to stand. Not usual. I was tired because I went to bed late last night and I didn't feel like standing all the way to work. Plus, I wanted to read my new book. So I got off the train at the next stop and took my chances hoping that the next train was less full. And I was right. And it only cost me five minutes. THAT'S how cool I was this morning.

Later, a bird hit me in the face. Given that there were hundreds of people around I don't think a single person saw it happen. If I taught you anything, if no one knows it happened then it didn't happen.

Maybe hit is not the right word. It was more of a graze. But still! No touching, Birds!

Goobers Never Say Die

Happy birthday, Goonies. Without you I'd be one miserable son of a bitch. Twenty five years ago today I plopped my chunky body into a theater seat and watched a film that forever changed my life. So inspired by this movie, we created our own little adventure club called The Goobers. Complete with one token fat kid (me) and one token Korean kid(Tim). We had a secret fort, too. No lie.

It's been years since The Goobers reunited. One lives in California, one in Colorado, and one in DC. You can't get more evenly spread out than that. But every time I hear the voice of Cindi Lauper or see a Baby Ruth candy bar I'm transported to The Fort where our treasured Goonies movie poster hung.

Here's a great article from The Post regarding events that took place in Astoria, Oregon for the 25th Anniversary of Goonies.

Revolution!

This is a wake up call to all those people who refuse to "join the revolution." The numbers are staggering and the proof is in the pudding. This ain't no fad. Those who turn their noses to it WILL be left behind.

Thanks to Lynette at Blue Kiss for posting this video from the good people behind Socialnomics.

And then forgiveness

One Day After Botched Call, Motor City Takes Higher Road

Thomas Boswell

Friday, June 4, 2010

Baseball umpire Jim Joyce made a hideously incorrect ruling Wednesday night that cost Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga one of the rarest achievements in the sport: a perfect game. But 15 hours later, when Galarraga made his way to home plate before Thursday afternoon's game to present his team's lineup card to Joyce, the umpire's reception was just as clear-cut.

The fans in Detroit cheered, and baseball and sport had one of its most inspiring and least expected moments.

What next? World peace?

Galarraga appeared to have completed the 21st perfect game in major league history, when he stepped on first base well before Cleveland Indians runner Jason Donald for what would have been the game's final out. But Joyce ruled Donald safe, a call he admitted was a mistake after viewing television replays following the game.

When that admission and the courage to make it was acknowledged with cheers Thursday afternoon, Joyce's face stayed firm, but the tears of gratitude rolled at the Tigers' magnanimity. After the ump wiped his eyes, Galarraga gave him a slap on the back, and Joyce smacked him back, dugout gestures of respect, unmistakable. Hard men, tough game, we play again today. Joyce, you work the plate; just get all 300 calls right.

Fans of the recession-scalded Motor City brought themselves to cheer for a man who admitted his mistake, which had denied one of their own a perfect game, a feat accomplished just 20 times since 1858. And, everywhere, observers shook their heads that a thing that was so sad and screwed up late Wednesday night could, simply by good will and compassion, be turned into something sparklingly fresh, unexpectedly strong and best-of-baseball by Thursday afternoon.

In fairy tales, human decency transforms bad into good. Don't bet too much on that formula working tomorrow. But it did for one day. In an age of stage-managed news-conference remorse and corporate shirking of responsibility, the Galarraga Imperfecto now shines with a fresh-scrubbed sense of honor. Sometimes, maybe we can tell the difference between what matters and what doesn't.

Handed a baseball disaster Wednesday night, everyone showed the absolute best in themselves. In a kind of cascade effect, one person saw unexpected virtue in another and decided, "Well, I guess I can suck it up and do the right thing, too, if he can."

As soon as Joyce saw the replay of his horrible "safe" call at first base, which was wrong by two feet, the respected 22-year big league ump took full responsibility and even sought out Galarraga to apologize personally.

"I just missed the damn call. . . . This isn't 'a' call. This is a history call. And I kicked the [expletive] out of it," said Joyce, whose postgame stand-up accountability could be taped and delivered to BP headquarters. "I take pride in this job, and I took a perfect game away from that kid over there who worked his [butt] off all night."

Joyce also sought out Galarraga to apologize.

"I give a lot of credit to that guy. . . . You don't see an umpire, after the game, say, 'I'm sorry.' Nobody's perfect," said Galarraga, who for one night actually was.

(Read the entire article LINK)

Heartbreaking

Breaking sports news video. MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL highlights and more.

Also, Suck it, Matt Lauer.

USA to Relinquish Vast Territories

Click to embiggen.

Fancy New Lamps

When I got to work this morning I found two new things on my desk: A fancy new lamp, and a half-drank bottle of Mountain Dew. Funny thing, I needed neither.

Looks like we all got fancy new desk lamps because they're everywhere. And the boxes that held these fancy new lamps are strewn about the office. And there's a crew of men walking around "installing" the fancy new lamps and making sure we all love our fancy new lamps. I've never seen these men before, but they look like they wouldn't find it funny if I said these fancy new lamps were probably our Christmas bonuses.

To their credit, this crew of men "installed" these fancy new lamps with precision and efficiency not often seen in our office.

As I am wont to do, I have turned these fancy new lamps into a metaphor. Sometimes we get new things in life even if we don't want them. And sometimes they come with a half-drank bottle of Mountain Dew. Lesson: Put the half-drank bottle of Mountain Dew on someone else's desk and turn on the fancy new lamp.

Then clean off your keyboard, you filthy human. Because we're disgusting. Thankfully.

Robbed!

Looks like I don't lead a double life after all... The charges to my checking account from Singapore via my check card were fraudulent. Now I have to go through the whole rigmarole of filling out an affidavit and hope that my bank concludes that I did not spend Memorial Day weekend with my second family in the Far East. Or would that be considered the Middle East? Anyway, this feeling of not knowing how my credit card information was used to steal from my account sucks.

Ewok Karaoke

Ewok Karaoke from Rob Tyler on Vimeo.